Flesh for Fantasy
by ridend1rty
Summary: What happens when Bella finds out about the secret lifestyle that her mom and dad have been living? Charlie is dying of cancer, after being gone for the last 4 years Bella has come back home to Forks to be with her dad before he dies. How will she be able to cope being around Edward after all these years? Family secrets and lost love are waiting for Bella in Forks.
1. Prologue

**AN…. Ok, so I am new to writing fan fiction so there will probably be many mistakes along the way. I will try my best to be grammatically correct but I can't promise you that it will be error free. This Prologue has been edited by an amazing friend who has put her faith in me. If you have read the original you will notice the changes and you can thank her for making this story better! readtoomuch721 I am forever in debt.**

**I would like to welcome those of you who have decided to give my story a chance. I would also like to give a heads up to those who are reading that there may be content that some find offensive. There will be lemons, lots of profanity and a tattooed Domward along for the ride**

**This story is being written with both Bella's and Edwards POV. But don't worry I will not be writing the same scene over again with a different POV so it won't be repetitive.**

Prologue

Charlie tiredly leaned back in his chair taking one last look at the solid mahogany desk that had been anchored in his office for the last twenty years. "Fuck!" He cursed as he ran frustrated fingers through his coarse dark brown hair. He leaned forward and pressed the button on his phone to connect with his longtime partner and best friend, Carlisle.

"Charlie, what's up? I'm just about finished here. Do you need me to come and hold your hand while you say goodbye to your office?"

Charlie shook his head as Carlisle chuckled at his own joke. He sadly thought of how much he was going to miss this playful verbal sparring the two of them have shared since the first time they met back in high school.

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you, bro! Hey, why don't you come over to my office so I can bend you over my desk and give you what you really want?" Charlie countered, continuing their verbal fuckery.

His friend laughed. "In your dreams, asshole!"

Oh yeah, he was going to miss this. "Seriously though, I need to run some things by you before we leave the office." Charlie could almost hear Carlisle pause before he heaved a heavy sigh and responded. Carlisle knew what his longtime friend wanted to talk to him about and it fucking sucked that they had to have this conversation, but it is what it is, and it had to be done.

Charlie heard the hitch in Carlisle's voice and he closed his eyes. "Sure, man, I'll be there in a minute. I just need to grab my shit." Charlie disconnected the phone, shut down his computer, and waited.

Charlie could hear Carlisle as he walked down the hall from his own office only to stop and hesitate on the other side of the door to his office. Sadly, he understood Carlisle's reluctance to come in. If the roles had been reversed and it was Carlisle who was dying, he wouldn't want to face it either.

"Are you going to stand outside my door all fuckin' day or are you going to come in already?" Charlie bellowed out from his chair.

The knob to the door turning slowly, a tall and gracefully lean man with blonde hair pushed open the door and walked into his office. After sitting down in one of the luxurious leather chairs in front of Charlie's desk, Carlisle looked at him with a knowing expression on his face. He knew it was time. "Cut the bullshit, Charlie. What's up?" Carlisle asked with a somber look.

Charlie met Carlisle's gaze before responding, "It's time, C. I need you. I've chartered a flight in the morning so I can go and bring Bella home. I will need you to help me with Renee though. Can you and Esme can go to the house tomorrow and keep her company while I'm gone? If things go as planned with Bella, I hope to be back sometime tomorrow night."

Carlisle stared hard at his best friend and exclaimed, "So that's it! Nothing else can be done? There's not some fucking experimental treatment out there, some fucking trial that you can get into?"

Charlie shook his head dejectedly, "C, we've been over this before. It's stage four cancer. It's metastasized and my whole body is fucking affected in one way or another. Surgery's not enough and chemo will only make the time that I do have left into living hell! It's not worth the suffering when I need to spend the time that I have remaining preparing my wife and daughter for my fucking death! So don't you even try to make me feel guilty for not allowing the doctors to pump poison into my veins. I have to be strong for them and you fucking know it!"

Hell, he hated having to have this discussion with C. He knew that Carlisle would give up his own life to save his. He also understood that it was hard for Carlisle to comprehend that this time there would be no remission. This is the end of the road for me.

Without arguing back, Carlisle stood up and walked around the massive desk over to his friend. He reached out and pulled him into a tight embrace. Slowly, he felt Charlie's large tense frame relax a little and he knew that the time to argue over chemo or of finding some kind of a fucking miracle was long gone. Now it was his job to be strong - to be there for Charlie, his wife, Renee, and their beautiful, but absent daughter, Bella.

He would do it, and he would do it with the same intensity and resolve as if it were for his own family. Hell, the Swans were family in all the important ways. Especially, Charlie, who had been like a brother to him since they first met. When the time comes and Charlie has to leave his family he will make sure Charlie goes without an ounce of worry for their safety and well-being.

Carlisle firmly told himself that he would do whatever it takes to keep shit together. They both patted each other's back, retreated from the tight embrace, and stood face to face about one foot apart. They looked at each another with tight lips, furrowed brows, and the same resolved look in their eyes.

"Charlie, I may not like the fact that you've decided not to go through anymore treatments, but I understand. You know that I will be here to help you with whatever you, need no matter what. Everything that we've discussed regarding Renee's well-being and Bella's happiness in life after you're gone still applies. No matter how hard, I WILL make it happen. Fuck, I'm just glad I'm the only other man in this fucking world that Renee would allow care for her in the way that she needs to be taken care of," Carlisle affirmed honestly.


	2. Chapter 1

**AN: Please forgive any errors. The wonderful readtoomuch has offered to beta for me thank fucking God! If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time, but don't say I didn't warn you beforehand. I also would like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**My hands are searching for you  
My arms are outstretched towards you  
I feel you on my fingertips  
My tongue dances behind my lips for you**

This fire rising through my being  
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive  
I'm alive

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

**Flyleaf "All Around Me"**

**Chapter 1**

Three months later…

**BPOV**

The tightness that has taken residence in my chest all day hasn't eased up even after Charlie's funeral service ended earlier this afternoon. I've been home for about an hour, and even though this house holds on to the lingering memory of my happy childhood with my father, the air that I pull into my lungs feels unbearably thick with sadness. I don't know if I want to curl up on my dad's favorite armchair and bask in the sunshine of my memories with my dad or run away and save myself from the anguish of remembering.

_I can't take it. _

I know that I will never see him walk through the front door again. I will never again see his face light up, dark brown eyes crinkling and shining as he grins, every time he sees me. I had always been a daddy's girl. My relationship with my father was more than I could have ever asked for in life. He had always been there for me when I needed him - no matter what time of day or what he was doing, my dad would be there no questions asked.

_I'm so sorry, daddy. So sorry. I shouldn't have left. _

I could feel the tears filling up my tired eyes and threatening to fall. I have tried desperately to hold onto them for as long as I could. If I blinked and let them fall, I knew that the flood of emotions I had tried to keep inside - sadness, pain, guilt, anger, love - wouldn't just trickle out, but burst from the dam I had created to keep myself numb. My right hand closes tight around the neck of the opened bottle of Chianti I've been generously been helping myself to in another useless effort to gain control of myself.

I just didn't have the strength to cope on my own this time like I've been doing, since I left Forks four years ago. I never told anyone the real reason I left when I did. When I recall the reason that made me run, it makes me feel weak and disgusted with myself. I feel like the most selfish daughter in the world. The time that I lost with my dad could never be retrieved again and for that my heart breaks.

_Please forgive me, daddy. I love you so much._

The battle to keep my emotions in check fails when my love for my dad demolishes any semblance of control I have and the tears start pouring down my face. Sure enough now that the dam has broken, I was a sobbing, blubbering mess. I go to take another long pull from the wine bottle that amazingly enough, I have been able to hold on to, only to find that it's empty. I get up out of the comfort of my dad's armchair and take a few steps towards the kitchen to get another bottle of wine, when my knees buckle and I crumple to the floor in a hopeless and pathetic heap.

"Fuck, Bella, get your shit together!" I yell out loud to myself.

I have no clue if Renee will be coming home tonight. If she does then I'm sure that finding her daughter drunk and passed out on the floor wouldn't be a welcome sight. After all, it's not just me who has lost the best man in the world in her life. I have to try to be strong enough for the both of us. I don't know how she'll make it without him.

"Bella!"

_Did I just hear someone yell my_ _name?_ I struggle to open tired eyes that want to see only darkness.

_Shit, how long was I out for? _I must have passed out sometime during my pity party on the floor. Squinting with swollen eyes, I try to focus on the blurry figure standing above of me.

"Bella! What. The. Fuck!" The figure standing in front of me shouts. Loudly. Too fucking loud, in my opinion.

_Ugh, doesn't the bastard know the universal "No Yelling" rule when coming across a woman who was formerly passed out on the floor with an empty bottle in her hand?_

"Why are you yelling at me? And why are you in my house?" I stupidly yell back, causing sharp pains to shoot through my head. I wince and gently grab my aching head with unsteady hands, while trying to figure out who this asshole is.

"Are you fucking drunk?"

Oh, fuck my life. Now I KNOW who the asshole is and I am about to lose my shit. I carefully sit up and slowly open my eyes to glare at the one person in this world who has the ability to break me. Who DID break _me_.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I vehemently whispered.

He looks down at me - at this point my vision has cleared enough to notice the expression on his beautiful face. It actually scares the hell out of me for a minute.

"What am I doing here?" He whisper yells at me. "I'll tell you what I am doing here, Bella. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, as soon as, you get your drunk ass up off the floor so we can have a little chat first."

At first, I was just annoyed by the jerk, but now I'm starting to get pretty fucking cranky. Not only has the major asshole broken into my house - this I'm sure of, since I locked the door behind me after the funeral - and started yelling at me, but now he's making me get off the nice uncomfortable floor to fucking "chat" after my dad's funeral, after what he did to me all those years ago? I brushed my tangled brown hair off my face - shit, even my hair hurts - and glared at him.

"Edward, I hardly think that you have the right to burst into my house uninvited, and start making demands of me." I regretted my false bravado when I saw his gorgeous green eyes darken to almost black in fury and his chiseled jaw tighten as he clenched his teeth.

"Bella, I'm not fucking around. Get the fuck up. NOW!"

Heaving a deep shuddering sigh, with the grace of a ballerina, I'm sure, I manage to get to my feet with no help from Edward. _Thanks for the help, asswipe._

Immediately, I want to go back to the safety of the floor. Not because I'm still unsteady from my previous losing match against the bottle of Chianti, but now I'm too close to Edward. Not only do I see him, but I can smell him, and he smells like home, a meadow full of beautiful flowers, and of man - my man.

Crap! I need to keep a strong hold of my heart strings when it comes to Edward. If I lose my grip for even a moment, I'll slip and I don't know if I'll ever being able to put myself back together, especially now that I don't have my dad to go to. I've been avoiding him for the last four years out of pure self-preservation.

_You have to be stronger than this! Remember how he broke your heart. He destroyed you! You left and missed out on the last 4 years with mom and dad, because of what he did._

I knew that I would have to be around him at some point in time, but I had hoped - was still hoping - that I would have moved on by the time I had to face him again. Of course, that's not how things worked out. The last three months since I have been back in Forks, I have done everything in my power to successfully avoid contact with Edward. Yes, I've seen him since I have been back, but only from a distance. Until now, of course.

Standing right in front of me in all his glory was Edward Cullen with his I've just been freshly fucked, messy hair and deep olive green eyes and... wait, hold the bottle.

"Edward, what the fuck is that on your face?" I gasp and look a little closer, blinking my eyes rapidly to clear any drunken residue, and am shocked to see a silver hoop in his brow. "Is your eyebrow pierced?" I dumbly ask.

Edward looks down at me and smirks. "As a matter of fact it is, Bella baby, and my face isn't the only place on my body that's decorated." He follows this revelation with a wink. "If you had bothered to stay in touch with me the past four years, you would know this already!" He continues as his voice gets louder with every word.

Wait just a fucking second, where else is he decorated? Bellybutton? No, that would just be weird. Nipples, maybe? Hmm... that could be hot. _Wait, what the fuck am I doing?_

_ "Don't get distracted," commands brain to pussy. Stop and remember._

He pushes his sleeves up on his white thermal long sleeve shirt and I see the tattoos.

Oh. My. God._ "I am totally screwed!" replies pussy to brain._

"So, Bella, why don't you tell me exactly where the fuck you've been for the last four years?"


	3. Chapter 2

**AN: Once again please forgive any errors. Thank you to readtoomuch for her creative contributions to this story! If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time, but don't say I didn't warn you beforehand. I also would like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Chapter 2**

**EPOV**

"So, Bella, why don't you tell me exactly where the fuck you've been for the last four years?" I demand, while trying to keep my temper in check.

I am trying really hard not to be a dick here, but I have too many questions that have waited way too fucking long to be answered. The fact that Bella left Forks four years ago without so much as a goodbye really pissed me off. Friends just don't do that, especially not friends as close as we were. What the fuck happened to make her run? Why didn't she come to me? Why wouldn't Charlie tell me where she was?

_And why the fuck is Bella looking at me like she wants to sucker punch me?_

Damn, she's just as beautiful and aggravating as always, even more so now that she has matured into the woman standing in front of me. I can sense her growing discomfort with all my questions, and now I'm starting to feel like an ass. My shouting at her probably scared the shit out of her, and hell, she just buried her father today. Her eyes start to brim with tears and I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and comfort her.

_I am such a fucking dick._

"Hey, Bella baby, look at me, please." I plead, as I place my fingers under her stubborn chin and tilt her head back to look into the big brown eyes that have captivated my soul so many times before. I feel her tense up and I know what's coming.

I wrap my arms around her half afraid that she would push me away. She stiffened, but I gently lift her up to carry her to the couch. She relaxes and her body softens when I sit beside her, but then shakes as she starts to sob uncontrollably next to me. It's always killed a part of me to see her cry and this time is no different.

"Bella, please, baby, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. Please, calm down. Take a deep breath, baby." He took her hands in his and turned toward her wanting to kiss her forehead in comfort.

"Ed... Edward," She hiccups. "I, I just can't do this right n... now please, I'm so tired." She stammers, her voice heavy with new tears, and leans back against the couch. "I know that we need to talk, but I just can't today," she sighs.

"Shhh…. Bella, I get it. Why don't you get some rest and we'll talk tomorrow. Okay?" I said softly, wanting to ease her pain.

I turned away from her and slump back into the couch, suddenly mesmerized by the the wall of pictures across the room. Yes, I want answers and I'll make sure I finally get them from her. I'll just have to wait until she's calmed down enough to get them.

She's finally starting to calm down, so I get up to grab some tissues and water for her. I walk out of the living room and down the hall to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. Eyeing the Bounty paper towels on the kitchen counter next to the fridge, I decide to rip some paper towels off the roll.

_Hey, Bounty's slogan is "the quicker, picker-upper," so it should be better than Kleenex, right?_ I shrug to myself.

I walk back into the living room and seeing Bella look so lost and broken on the couch with her red eyes and her long brown hair in a tangled disarray has me feeling guilty again. I just want to hold her tight, rub my chin on the top of her head, and make her laugh like I always did... before she left. When did she stop trusting me?

_Be patient. You've waited 4 damn years - you can wait one more day for answers._

"Here, baby, drink some water and dry your face off first, and then you can go to bed. " I say as I hand her the bottle and help her wipe her tears using the papers towels. Bounty's slogan is proven true as Bella's face, chin, and neck are dried in seconds and the paper towels are barely wet.

_Shit, I think I need to buy stock in Bounty. Put it on my to do list right underneath getting an explanation from Bel... Why the fuck are you thinking about paper towels, right now?!_

Drawing a deep breath and I shake my head a little to clear my thoughts. I knew these random thoughts were just my way of dealing with this fuck-up situation, so I wouldn't end up punching a hole in the wall.

_Now is not the time. Focus._

She starts to get up off of the couch, and as she starts to sway, I wonder if it's because she drank a whole damn bottle of red or of the painfulness of Charlie's death. A combination of both, I suspect. I put my right arm around her upper back and wrap her left arm behind my waist to steady her as we walk through the living room and out to the foyer where the staircase was located that would lead her upstairs to her room. Stopping at the foot of the stairs, I look over at her and cock my right eyebrow in question.

"Can you make it up the stairs on your own?" I asked, glancing at Bella with doubt, remembering how clumsy she was even without alcohol impairing her judgement. I highly doubt that the years have changed that about her.

She smiles weakly, "you still remember my two left feet, I take it?"

I just laugh as we start walking up the stair. "Well, Bella, something like that would be hard to forget. I don't know anyone who has the tendency to fall on their ass as much as you."

She just looks ahead and doesn't respond as we reach the landing and walk down the hallway to her room. We walk through the door to her room and I look around in nostalgic surprise. It's shocking and weird seeing it just as she left it. Queen size bed covered with Bella's favorite purple bamboo Calvin Klein duvet taking center stage of a large spacious bedroom, with her reading chair sitting in the corner diagonally just a few feet next to her bed and right in front of the wall of windows. A long dresser and vanity table sitting along side the wall to the left of the door we just entered. Directly across from her bed are two doors; the door closest to her vanity leading to her bathroom and the door to the right leading to her walk-in closet. Pictures of Charlie and Renee and of me and my brothers still on the walls in between other random pictures Bella took in her obsession with her Nikon. I don't know why, but I'm a little surprised that Charlie and Renee didn't turn it into some fucking sewing room or some shit like that after Bella left so abruptly. I guess they hoped she would come back home.

_They probably knew why she hightailed it out of town to who the fuck knows where._ _Fuck, why wouldn't they tell me? What happened? Too many fucking whys and what's!_

"You know," she says as she sits on the foot of her comfortable bed, "I actually thought mom would have turned my room into a guest room or a man cave for my dad by now. I can't believe they didn't touch it at all. "

I catch her eyes and look at her. "Maybe they missed you and they wanted to keep your room the way you left it in case you came back." I said quietly to her.

She looks down at her folded hands in her lap and replies in an almost whisper, "They knew I wasn't coming back anytime soon, Edward." She sighs and twists her hands together, "I know that you want answers and I do want to give them to you, I really do. I really am sorry that I'm such a mess right now. Why don't you give me a call tomorrow and we can meet up for coffee or something and talk."

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Bella?" I joke. "Because if that's the case, too fucking bad. I'm not leaving you alone tonight. I don't know what happened to make you run, but you could have... should have come to me for help, so I'm not going to let you push me away now that you're back in town." She glares at me ready to protest.

I walked over to stand in front of her and caught her chin between my fingers, forcing her to look me straight in my dead serious eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll sleep downstairs on the couch, but I'm not leaving. I will still be here in the morning and you WILL tell me what happened and why you left."

"Fine, if you insist, but I'm sure my mom will be home soon so I wouldn't be alone anyway," Bella said flatly, ripping her chin out of my firm grasp. "And I already told you I'd explain everything tomorrow."

"Oh, has Renee called you since the service ended?" I asked sharply. "Because Carlisle called me when I was on my way over and he told me that Renee would be staying the night so he and mom can keep an eye on her, because Uncle Marcus had to give her a sedative."

After glaring at me for a few seconds, Bella walks over to her dresser and grabs a t shirt and some sleep shorts from the bottom drawer on the right. She pauses and then looks over her shoulder at me with a smirk and tosses a bundle towards me. I catch the folded material and I immediately recognized what was in my hands.

"Are you fucking serious, Bella? I can't believe you still have my shit!" I said, staring down at the clothes in disbelief. Again, not knowing why I was surprised by the lack of changes to her room, including my stuff.

I had a few sweat pants and some shirts that I used to keep over at her parents' house for impromptu sleepovers. There had been many times I would end up staying the night, because we would stay up late talking or watching some movie. Some of my best memories were from those nights - curling up with Bella as we talked, or hearing her laughing, or seeing her become emotional when she would trick me into watching some sappy chick flick. Fuck The Notebook! I would definitely have to give up my man card if any of my friends found out I had watched that shit.

Bella ducked into her bathroom to change and wash up, while I just changed right where I was into an XXL white "Fuck The Notebook" t-shirt and a pair of black sweat pants and placed the clothes I had been wearing in a folded pile on top of her dresser. I look up when the bathroom door opens and out steps Bella looking amazing wearing a pink babydoll style shirt and short white sleep shorts.

_Fuck, she so sexy!_

She has her hair pulled up in a messy knot on top of her head with some errant tendrils hanging down on the side of her face. I want to fucking lick her neck, bite her collarbone, and breathe her in. Like right now. I look up from my perusal of her breasts when I hear her sharp intake of breath as she looks at me with a strange expression on her face.

"Do you like what you see, Bella baby?" I chuckle distractedly.

Bella rolls her eyes. "Well, I see that your arrogance is still intact. Still the charmer."

"Oh… Bella, there's nothing wrong with admitting you like it." I lean against the door with my arms crossed in front of my chest, waggle my eyebrows, and flash her a wink.

"Uh huh, believe want you want, you narcissistic ass. I'm sure there are still plenty of daft and gullible girls falling for you and your charming, but not so subtle impression of yourself." She reaches over and pulls the comforter to fold at the bottom of her bed. She grabs the toss pillows and shams and throws them onto her reading chair in the corner of her room.

"Heads up, E!" She tosses me a pillow and tells me that there is an extra blanket in the closet at the end of the hall. She gets into bed reaches over and turns off the light on her nightstand and rolls over onto her side with her back towards me.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I pause for a moment and take in her small frame as she is lying in the bed. The tension in my jaw finally easing as I take a deep silent breath - pleased she finally came back.

_God, I had fucking missed her!_

"Goodnight, Bella, sweet dreams." I leave her door open, snag a blanket from the hall closet, and walk down the stairs to the fucking couch wishing that things could be the way that they used to be, so I could be sleeping in her bed with my arms around her.

_Fuck._


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you to readtoomuch for her creative contributions to this story. If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time! I also would like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**I know that the chapters posted so far are short and I have done that intentionally. As time goes by and more of this story is written the chapters will get gradually increase in word length. Right now I am focusing on laying the groundwork for what's to come for Edward and Bella. Have no fear Edward will find out the reasons behind Bella's sudden departure four years ago soon. I will not drag it out out for the sake of angst. **

**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

_"Goodnight, Bella, sweet dreams."_

It was so hard to hear those words from him. The same words he said to me every night he had slept over since we were kids. I held my breath, and kept my tense back turned until I could hear him stomping down the stairs. Being in such close proximity with Edward was creating a mind fuck of epic proportions. The way that he looks, the way that he smells, hell, even the sound of his voice is playing with my mind. My heart. My soul.

The tattoos and piercings were a shock I had never expected to see on Edward. It was only adding to the mystery of who he was now and what he had done since I left. He wasn't the only one with questions. I had questions too. Questions I didn't know if I wanted the answers to.

Leaving Forks had been so difficult. It had been especially hard leaving without saying goodbye to those that I love. Carlisle and Esme were like a second set of parents to me. I had been raised side-by-side with Edward and his brothers. I had never felt like an only child, because I always had Edward and his four protective and broody brothers looking out for me whether I wanted them to or not.

So much has changed in the last three months, since Charlie came to California to tell me he was dying. I had just taken my last college exam a few days earlier and had been packing up to start my new career when my dad had called to tell me he was on his way to see me. I had been so shocked, I hadn't been able to think or speak. The thought that my dad was going to die soon when I couldn't even imagine my life without him was too much to handle.

_How could I have wasted 4 precious years away from my dad? I've been so stupid... so damn self-centered!_

There had been no question that I would immediately go back to Forks to be with my parents. I only wish he had told me when he had found out the cancer was back. I should have been with him from the beginning. I should have been there like he had always been there for me. Shaking my head in self-disgust against my pillow, I pound my fist into the pillow in front of my face angry at myself and my parents.

_Why didn't you or mom tell me you were sick? How could you have left me in the dark?_

The fact that my time with Charlie had been so limited kept me from completely falling apart these last three months. I've been so preoccupied with spending as much time with my dad that thoughts of everything else, _everyone _else had been pushed to the back; but now my mind is finally starting to process everything I had tried so hard to forget.

I begin to silently sob in the quiet solace of my darkened childhood room.

_I miss you so much, Daddy_.

I press my face into my pillow and pray that I will have the strength to get past this. I want nothing more in this world than to be the kind of woman that would make my dad proud.

_I love you, Daddy._

I whimper and try to muffle the harsh sobs shaking my body. Eventually, I'll succumb to the nothingness of sleep and this day will finally end.

_Do I really want to face what tomorrow will bring?_

**EPOV**

For the life of me I can't seem to let Bella be. Every part of me is screaming to rush back up to her room and pull her into my arms and not let go. To be honest, I don't care if she's not ready to talk to me yet. I want to know why she left and I'm fucking sick of getting the runaround. I want answers NOW. The only reason for tonight's reprieve is, because my dad told me he wanted to be here for Bella's explanation.

Apparently, dad knows more than he has been letting on. One way or another, I will not be leaving this house tomorrow until Bella tells me everything. She has no fucking choice in this matter anymore. Sure I may be a dick by forcing her submission like this, but that's just too fucking bad. She has had four fucking years to deal with whatever shit caused her to leave and if she hasn't then she needs to stop running. Time is motherfucking UP!

I punch my pillow trying to soften it up, and then turn over to lie on my back and fold my right arm underneath my head. I close my eyes and pray for morning to come soon, because when I wake up, this shit, Bella keeping me in the dark, is DONE.

After a long restless night spent tossing and turning on a couch much too small to accommodate my 6'3 lean frame, I finally give up when the bright morning sun burns rainbows behind the lids of my closed eyes making me squint cautiously. Pushing the navy fleece blanket off to the side with a tired sigh, I grab my cell phone off the leather coffee table to check the time and am relieved to see that it's 7:30 am. Carlisle should be arriving here within the hour, so that gives me time to drain the snake, wash up, and straighten up a little.

After using the powder room located in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room, I fold the blanket I had used last night and return it to the hall closet upstairs. I quietly look in Bella's room to see her sprawled out on her bed still sleeping. I quietly place the pillow I used on the pile she dumped by her reading chair, grab the clothes I left on her dresser, and silently go to her bathroom to change and hope there's still a pack of new toothbrushes I know she used to keep in her bathroom closet.

Feeling slightly refreshed a few minutes later, I go back downstairs to the living room to wait for my dad. Slumping with tiredness in Charlie's armchair, I look around the room, a room I have been in a million times before, and everything still looks the same - the same furniture, the same pictures on the wall, Renee's usual knick-knacks placed where they belong. But something's different now. I almost feel like I'm in a stranger's house; everything looks the same, but nothing feels the same.

_Cue Twilight Zone music_ _Fuuuck! I hate Twilight Zone. Stupid fucking pig faced doctor!_

Disturbed, I get up and walk down the hallway to go out back through the french doors in the kitchen, so that I can have a much needed smoke. Walking across the terrace, bypassing the cushioned iron furniture, I make my way to the steps leading to the manicured lawn and sit down on the top step. I light my smoke and take a deep pull, inhaling slow and deep, allowing the smoke from the cigarette to fill my lungs and do its' job of calming my frayed nerves.

Staring at the morning horizon in the privacy of the Swans' big, long backyard thickly enclosed by a forest of huge moss covered spruce trees, fir trees, and all types of deciduous trees, I contemplate my next move and go over the different possible scenarios of what had made Bella leave so suddenly, like I've done every day since she left.

I stub my smoke against the step I'm sitting on when I hear the familiar sound of the smooth engine belonging to my dad's car breaking up the silence of the still morning. I walk back into the kitchen and throw the cigarette stub in the trash before I wash my hands, rinse my mouth out, and splash some cold water on my face. I walk down the long hallway to the foyer and get to the front door just as I hear a light knock. I open the door and take in Carlisle's bleary eyed appearance.

"Hey, C, looks like you and I both evaded the Sandman last night." I snickered. He just looked at me and shook his head.

"Well, Edward, your assessment is unfortunately correct. I've been up all night dealing with an inconsolable Renee." He sighed.

I grab the drink carrier holding 3 large cups of coffee out of his hands, ready to fall to my knees in thankfulness that he stopped by the coffee shop.

"I also have a box of pastries in the car. Take the coffee to the kitchen and I'll go get the pastries."

Unable to wait, I grabbed one of the cups out of the holder and took a cautionary drink to gauge the temperature as I walked to the kitchen. I set the drink carrier on the island in the center of the kitchen and look up when Carlisle strolls into the kitchen with a large box of pastries.

"Edward, did you do as I asked last night?" He quietly asks.

I run one hand through my hair and roll my neck before I take another drink of my coffee.

"If you're asking if I was able to get Bella to finally tell me why she disappeared four years ago, then the answer is no." I sat down on one of the bar chairs lining one side of the kitchen island and placed my coffee in front of me before I propped my elbows and bent my head down to rest in the palms of my hands. I start slowly circling my thumbs to try to rub away the growing tension in my head.

Carlisle walked over and stood next to me. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"Look, Edward, I know that you're frustrated. You have been left in the dark for too long and it's time for the truth to come out so that you can finally move forward with your life."

He reached into his jacket and pulled out two white business envelopes handing one to me. The apprehensive look on his face as he does this makes me nervous.

"Carlisle, what is this?" I asked before turning the envelope around between my anxious fingers.

"This a letter Charlie wrote to you before he died." He answers sedately.

I look down at it and see my full name written on the front in big bold black letters.

"What is this about, dad?" My precarious state of mind evident when I don't call my dad by his first name like I've been doing all these years since we started working together.

He stares at me and sighs heavily."Why…" I start, but Carlisle interrupts me, "son, just hear me out, okay?" I nod my head once and he continues, "Charlie started writing letters to Renee and Bella when he found out the cancer had come back and was advancing too quickly. He knew he was going to die soon and he wanted to leave a part of himself to help them move on. He ended up with enough letters to fill a box before he died."

Carlisle wearily sat down at the bar and leaned forward to hang his head as he rested his elbows on his knees. I finally take my head out of my ass long enough to see how much of a toll losing his best friend has had on him. I've never in my life seen my dad look so weary and subdued.

"So, as I was saying, Charlie had written quite a few letters and he left them in my care with instructions on what to do with them. Most of the letters he wrote are to be given on special dates, like birthdays, anniversaries, and so forth. Hell, the fucker even wrote letters to Bella for her wedding day and the birth of her first child.

My dad stood back up and placed his hand on my now slumped shoulders.

"Bella and Renee were his world, his everything, and the thought that he wouldn't be here for them... with them... shit, for his baby girl's future milestones...," Carlisle paused to contain himself, "for Charlie to know that he wouldn't be growing old with Renee almost broke him. All he had left were his words, so he spent a lot of time the last few months writing down what he wouldn't be able to say in person."

_Damn it! This is all so fucked up. _

Charlie was a good man, a good husband, and a great father. He had deserved to live a full life with his beautiful wife and amazing daughter. My chest feels so fucking tight right now. I felt like if I took another breath my lungs would explode.

"Why is this one addressed to me? I'm guessing the other one is for Bella?" I asked.

"Charlie wrote both of these letters shortly after bringing Bella home, and yes, this one is meant for Bella. As his attorney, I was instructed to give you both the letters on the day after his funeral. I am fully aware of the contents in both letters as Charlie wanted me to be able to answer any questions you or Bella will have." Carlisle turned his head and nodded towards the stairs.

"Is Bella upstairs?" He asks.

I nod. "Yeah, she's still sleeping. I slept down here on the couch."

"Alright, I know you're eager to read the letter from Charlie now. I'm going upstairs to talk to Bella."

He starts towards the stairs and looks back at me. "One more thing, I know that you're going to have questions about what Charlie discloses to you in his letter, and I'm here to answer them. All of them. However, I'm going to ask that you don't burst into her room, but wait here until I'm finished talking to Bella first."

Hearing my dad's resolute tone, I knew that was an order and not a request. While I don't understand the secrecy and covertness of this whole fucked-up situation, I just tensely nod my head in acquiescence.

"Okay, then." He says as he makes his way up to Bella.


	5. Chapter 4

**AN: First and foremost I would like to thank readtoomuch for her awesome contributions to this story. I would also like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Chapter 4**

**CPOV**

As I walk up the stairs to Bella's room, I can't help but curse Charlie for leaving me to deal with all this drama. I pause at the top of the stairs and stuff my hands in the side pockets of my neatly pressed black trousers before walking slowly down the hallway stalling a little. Her bedroom door is open and as I shuffle closer, I can see Bella still sound asleep on her side facing the windows with her back towards me. Of course, that girl _could_ sleep through a natural disaster if one ever occurred in Forks and the stress of the past few months have probably exhausted her.

The truth is I really don't want to wake her. Knowing the contents of the letters I was commissioned to give to both Edward and Bella today makes me somewhat uncomfortable and yet hopeful at the same time. Charlie and I have been hoping both kids will move on with their lives... maybe together, once all these misunderstanding have been cleared up.

_Okay, time to bite the bullet and get this over with. _

I walk the rest of the way to her door and lightly knock against the open door. She doesn't even stir in the slightest. I knock again a little harder.

"Bella, wake up, sweetheart."

Still nothing. Damn, she still sleeps soundly that's for damn sure. I walk across the room and around her bed to the side she's facing and sit on the edge of her bed by her knees. I reach for her left hand that is palm down on the bed by her right shoulder and my gentle touch gets her attention immediately. Bella suddenly jolts upright and blankly looks around before her eyes focus on me.

"Carlisle, what are you doing here?" She suddenly looks panicked and gasps out, "Is it mom? Did something happen? Where is she?"

I shake my head and give her small smile. "Calm down, sweetheart, everything is ok. Renee is still asleep at my house and Esme's watching over her. How are you feeling this morning?" I ask with genuine concern in my voice.

She glances up at me and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out she had spent much of the night crying. Her small face slightly swollen and blotchy as she rubs her red-rimmed eyes with both hands and then scoots back to lean wearily against her headboard. I pinch the bridge of my nose and raise my eyebrows,

"Aside from the obvious reasons for you being upset, please tell me Edward did not make his own contributions to put you in such a state."

"No, no. It's just... everything with dad happened so quickly and now he's d-...now he's gone." Her voice trembling and fading away into a whisper.

"Bella, I just want to remind you that you're not alone. Esme and I, as well as the boys, are here for you day or night."

She reached out to me with both arms, so I wrapped my arms around her small frame trying my best to comfort this girl who has been like the daughter Esme and I never had. "Bella, I have something for you."

Pulling back, she looks at me with a confused expression. I tug the letter out of my jacket pocket and hand it to her.

"What is this, Carlisle?"

"Bella, your father loved you very much. You have no idea how much it pained him knowing that he would no longer be around to protect you as well as comfort you." He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, wishing for a brief selfish moment he could fast forward time and be done with this painful discussion. "Charlie asked me to give this letter to you. He also asked me to be here when you read it so I could answer any questions that you will have."

She looked at the letter with an expression of panic, as though the contents of the letter may harm her in some way.

"Wha-What? I don't understand why dad would write a letter to be given to me so soon after his death." She was visibly trembling at this point so I reached out to pat her knee trying to calm her nerves - and mine - the best I could.

"I mean, I've been with him every day for the last three months. Why didn't he just talk to me about this before he died? What's going on?"

Bella glances up and across the room, focusing on a photo resting on her dresser. I have seen the photo that has captured her attention before today; I smile as I recall the memories of the day the picture was taken. The photo was taken at Bella's graduation ceremony. The picture captured the large group of Charlie, Renee, and the Cullens, including all five Cullen boys as they congratulated Bella. Even then it was clear, Edward and Bella only had eyes for each other.

"I just don't know what's going on. Dad and I have always been so close and to find out all this stuff all at once, I just... I mean, one second I'm packing up all my stuff after finishing school to start working with aunt Kate and then dad tells me the cancer's back and it's worse - he doesn't have long to live. I get back here and he tells me what he and mom have been doing. What am I supposed to think? To do? To learn that my parents have had this secret lifestyle that I knew nothing about this whole time, it's been too much, too overwhelming." She let's out a frustrated breath, her cheeks puffing out with air and leans her head back, closing her eyes.

_Shit, Charlie!_

"Bella, look at me. I suggest you read your father's letter now. There is no sense in getting yourself worked up even more about it before you read what Charlie wrote," I advised her.

**BPOV**

I gaze at my name written in my dad's familiar elegant script on the face of the letter. I open the envelope and pull out the folded sheets of paper. I inhale a much needed deep breath and unfold the letters to read what my father could not bring himself to tell me in person.

_My Dearest Isabella,_

_I am so sorry. I would have done anything in this world if it meant I would not have had to leave you and your mother so soon. The cancer came back too suddenly and spread so quickly, that I knew what the doctors were so reluctant to say. I knew that my time was almost up, so I decided to make the most of the time I had with my two favorite girls. _

_My time with you was cut way too short. There are things that I need to explain to you; for selfish reasons I chose to write what I needed to say rather than speaking to you face to face. I didn't want there to be any chance of animosity or resentment between us during my last days. Please, Bella, understand that every decision that I have made was in your best interest. _ _I have been fully aware of your growing feelings for Edward for many years. I have also been aware of his feelings for you. I have always loved Edward as if he were my own son, but that never meant that I believed he was good enough for you. To be honest, there is not a man on this earth who deserves your love. _

_When you came to me four years ago and told me you wanted to leave for Savannah immediately to spend some time with your aunt Kate before your internship started with her studio, I was relieved. I knew that being away from Edward was for the best. You needed to see more of the world outside of Forks, meet new people, and just experience life outside of what you knew in Forks._

_Now I know you're thinking I overreacted, but I was worried you would give up your entire future to stay by Edward's side. You had dreams of becoming a professional photographer, but you were reluctant to even intern with Kate, because her studio was on the other side of the country in Georgia. Hell, you never even told Edward about Kate's internship offer, because you didn't want to leave him for the summer. You were even hesitant to go to UCLA because you wanted to be close when Edward graduated from Dartmouth and moved back. I only wanted for you to be able to pursue your dreams without feeling as though you were leaving Edward behind._

_So when you told me that you didn't want anyone, even Edward, to know where you were, I was more than happy to oblige. I saw it as an opportunity for you to freely pursue your dreams without anyone or anything to hinder them. Looking into your teary eyes as you begged me to not tell Edward where you were going, I had convinced myself that Edward must have done something to hurt you._

_By the time Carlisle gives you this letter, I will have already confessed to you the lifestyle that your mom and I have lived. I've done my best to explain and help you to understand in the time that I had, but I know that you still have so many questions. Your mother and I have been participating in the BDSM lifestyle since before you were born. As my assistant, your mother and I have taught classes on the proper usage and techniques of different types of whips and floggers at the club we belonged to in Seattle. My specialty was a six week course including demonstrations and eventually leading to student participation. Students first learned the proper ways to wield a whip using a realistic target of the human body - like a mannequin - and only when they had been deemed successful after much evaluation, would they be allowed to practice their skills on one of the volunteers I had approved during the class. The proper way to wield a whip is important, major permanent damage or even death can occur if it is not done correctly. _

_About 6 years ago, Carlisle and I decided to open our own private club and purchased the old logging company warehouse that went bankrupt right outside of town. During the time the warehouse was being vetted and renovated, I started teaching again. Unfortunately, the renovations had taken longer than usual, but since you had made plans to stay with friends overnight in Seattle, I had scheduled some lessons to take place on that day in the privacy of our backyard. _

_About a week after you left for Georgia, I was reviewing the videos I had recorded of the training sessions in order to analyze my students on proper technique and form when I saw movement near the bushes on the side of the house. After taking a closer look, I saw you. I will never forget the look on your pale face as you took in the sight before you._

_Edward had been practicing the skills he was learning on Tanya Denali. Seeing the look of horror on your face as Edward used the single tail whip on Tanya made me understand why you wanted to leave Forks so quickly, but it also confirmed that allowing you to go to Savannah was the right thing to do. I can only imagine what was going through your head when you came upon that scene, and to be honest, I was not ready to tell you about the lifestyle that your mom and I had been living just not. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by the relationship your mother and I have; I was just too cowardly to face the questions from my baby girl._

_I hope that you can forgive me for keeping all of this from you. I know I should have explained when I suspected why you had left, but at the time I still believed you needed to experience life outside of Forks, outside of Edward. Carlisle is the only other person who knows about the video, and I only just told him a few weeks ago. _

_I wrote a letter to Edward as well. He also deserved an explanation for why you left and my part in it. I, more than anyone, am well aware of the emotional toll and confusion your sudden and secretive absence has had on Edward. He begged me daily for over a year to tell him where you were. To at least give him a phone number where you could be reached. I told him that you didn't want to talk to him and you would contact him if you changed your mind._

_The two of you were always so close, and I know the feelings that you had towards each other were growing but unspoken. You both valued your friendship above anything else that you both kept your feelings to yourself rather than jeopardize your closeness. I know it was painful for you to see Edward date in high school and then to hear about the girls when he went to Dartmouth. You never did date. I admit it was a blessing not having to threaten any teenage boys or worry about a boy stepping out of line, but I still felt bad about you going to school functions and such without a date, even though it was your decision. Well, mostly your decision. I did eventually find out that Edward and his brothers had scared away all the boys who had ever looked in your direction since you kindergarten. _

_Sweet Bella, I love you more than I could ever possibly put into words. You were a true gift in my life and I could not have asked for a better daughter. The years spent building a life with you and your mother were more than I could ask for. Your mother and I are both very proud of the woman that you have become. We have full confidence in your efforts to become a professional photographer. _ _I hope you forgive me for not telling you everything years ago. I only wanted the best for you. Also, you should know that while your mother was aware that you did not wish for anyone to know where you were, she did not know about the video and what you had seen. She's so fragile and I can only imagine how overwrought she will be once I'm gone. _

_Edward is a good man. I have always known it, but in the past few years I have grown to love and respect him even more. If the two of you are able to get past the secrets, confusion, and anger that have kept you apart, I do not doubt that you will be able to continue your friendship. There is more to Edward than meets the eye. His reasons for taking the class that I taught are his to tell, but be aware that he and his brothers have known about their parents' BDSM lifestyle for quite some time._

_I am sure that you have questions, and I have asked Carlisle to make himself available to answer any that you do have. Please be respectful and understand that he has also been in the dark until recently. Carlisle loves you as if you were his own daughter and he wants to be there for you, since I cannot. The same goes for Esme as well. Be strong for your mother. Please let those who love you help you. Do not allow grief over my death to consume you. I want for you to be able to move forward with life using the lessons that your mother and I have taught you throughout the years and just– BE HAPPY._

_Love always,_ _Dad_

By the time I had reached the end of the letter, the page I had been holding was soaked with my tears. I glanced over at Carlisle who had been patiently waiting for me to finish. He looked worried, and that made the roller coaster of emotions going through me take a sudden plunge. I couldn't help the confusion of my thoughts.

_So many secrets. Oh dad, why didn't you - No. It's my fault. It's all my fault. _ _Why did I run? _

It was me who chose to leave because of what I saw. It was me who insisted that no one be told where I was. It was me who jumped to conclusions over what I had seen going on that day between Edward and my mom's friend Tanya Denali. I should have at least confronted my dad about what I saw in our own backyard. I choked out a sob that had been stuck in my throat since I started reading the letter.

Carlisle gently pulled me into his arms while I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Shhh… Bella, it's going to be ok." He whispered to me. I shook my head back and forth frantically.

"How is everything going to be okay, Carlisle?" I asked hopelessly. "I feel like a fool! I ran because _I_ was hurt and shocked, because _I_ needed to get away! I never knew, I never expected a legitimate explanation for what I saw that day!"

_Oh my god, what have I done!_

"Edward is going to hate me when he finds out why I ran. I never gave him a chance to explain anything. I never told him what I saw because I was scared!"

Carlisle's arms tightened around me as he looked at me with an expression of concern.

"How can you possibly think that Edward could ever hate you?" His eyes narrowed into a slit as he considered all that I had said to him. "Will he be disappointed by the assumptions you made? I would expect nothing less than that from him. You should have spoken to him. I may not agree with Charlie keeping his secrets, but I do understand why he did it." He patted me on my back before he stood up and walked towards the open door of my bedroom.

"It's time you speak to Edward about this so that the two of you can move past…" Carlisle's voice was interrupted by the sudden slam of the front door followed by the sound of a car peeling out of the driveway.

"Was Edward still here when you arrived?" I asked even though I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Yes, Bella, he was still here. I spoke with him and gave him the letter from your father before I came up here to talk to you."

My heart sank. I didn't know exactly what my dad had written to Edward, but I knew Edward was pissed.

**EPOV**

_Fuuuuuuuucckkk!_

"What the fuck!" I yelled out loud, throwing my cell phone and keys on the passenger seat. After punching the steering wheel in frustrated anger, I press the START button of my car and gun down the Swan's long driveway.

I was so pissed that I needed to leave. I'm pissed at everyone and everything, including myself, but I wanted a target. Charlie's dead so I can't vent my anger for his part in this right now. Carlisle has been in the dark as much as I have so I can't even be angry with him. And Bella... Oh, fucking Bella... "Fucking Motherfuck!" I shout in fury. Shit, If I don't let this go, I'm going to end up at the police station for fucking up some poor motherfucker who looks at me wrong.

I need to do something. I reach over and grab my cell off the passenger seat. I push the speed dial button to call up my best friend and business partner, Emmett.

"Yo! E, what's up, man?" He answers.

I don't want to get into specifics on the phone while driving so I take a deep breath and puff out my cheeks, letting the breath out slowly before I reply.

"Hey, you busy?" When he responds that he had no set plans today, I breathe an internal sigh of relief. "You ready to get started on that back piece, bitch?"

Emmetts laughs loud and I can see him in my head throwing up an excited fist pump.

"Fuck yeah, bitch! You got that shit ready?"

"Meet me at the shop in fifteen. I'll get it set up." I replied before ending the call.


	6. Chapter 5

**AN: So this is the last chapter that had been posted on fanfiction prior to having a Beta. Now it is being re-posted with readtoomuch's creativity and Beta skills. You might want to go back and re-read what has been posted up to this point if you have not already. Much has changed. If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time, but don't say I didn't warn you beforehand. I also would like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

I am the waiting one it seems  
I am the waiting one it seems  
Days grow somber quickly  
Now how the quiet is release  
And I feel so lonely

How did you think I would feel?  
Throw me aside again  
How did you think I would feel?  
Won't let you hurt me again, now

I'm nothing to you, I can see  
Just walk away from me  
I'm torn up, but I can't believe  
You sat and watched me bleed

She knows the waiting one in me  
That I needed to hold you  
Still I can smell her, hear her breathe  
Feel her body beside me

How long I've waited, waited for you  
To come back to hold me  
What should I, what should I, what should I do  
When I feel so lonely?

How could you do this to me?  
Betrayed by my closest friend  
How could you do this to me?  
Won't let you hurt me again now

I am the waiting one it seems  
The Waiting One by All That Remains

**Chapter 5**

**EPOV**

I pulled into the small parking lot in the back of my shop, turn my car off, and just sit in the silence of my car. I feel as though I've been kicked in the gut several times over. Although I was angry with Bella, a part of me wanted to forget all this shit and go back to her.

I hop out of my ride and walk over to the back door of the shop. After unlocking the door and turning on the lights, I blink hard a few times and focus my eyes as I head over to my station to get set up. The stencil I had created for Emmett's back piece has been ready for a few days. The theme of the tattoo may have been Emmett's idea, but the actual creative design was my own.

_Shit looks fucking hot! Fuck, I'm good._

Emmett and I met at Dartmouth when we realized we had more stuff in common than with the smoking hot Asian co-ed we had been competing over. Both of us being naturally creative with similar interests and majoring in Architecture Design quickly paved the road towards us becoming friends. We've been best friends ever since. After we graduated, he came to Forks at my invitation to stay and work with me.

Emmett has grown up in the foster care system since he was six years old. Those years had not been kind. He went through a lot of different foster families, and most of the families he had been placed with didn't give a shit about anything but the monthly check from the government. Crafty fucker that he is, Emmett knew he was smart and he knew that his only option to get out his shit life was to do well in school and hope for a scholarship to go to college. He played football all throughout high school, kept his GPA at 4.0, rocked his SATs and SAT IIs, and got into Dartmouth on a full fucking ride. He did all this while keeping a sense of humor and a positive outlook on life. There's not a man I respect more. I heard the back door open but didn't look up, knowing who it was.

"What the fuck, E, you look like shit!"

I gave him my 'back the fuck off look.' Even though we're close in height, Emmett's bulkier with thick solid muscles compared to my leaner frame. With his dark hair and light blue eyes, the women found him almost as irresistible as they found me. Almost. I don't know how many times I've walked in on his sweaty ass as he's pumping his dick into some chick bent over the back of the couch in the apartment we had shared in college.

"Fuck off, Em, I didn't call your sorry ass here so that you could get all up in my shit!"

He holds his hands up in mock surrender and then pulls his shirt over the top of his head. "Calm down bro, I know shit's been messed up with Bella drama and Charlie's funeral and all, but you need to chill out." Now shirtless, Emmett looks around for a moment and when he sees the stencil I had designed, his face lights up like a fucking kid waking up Christmas morning to a floor full of presents.

"Fuck! E, that shit is tight!"

I knew it was tight. I was that good. Em had explained the basics of what he wanted for his back piece and told me he wanted me to use my creative style to come up with the final design. Ultimately, I had designed the image of a naked woman posed on her knees with her feet tucked under her ass. Her arms extending wrist to wrist over her head in a submissive pose. The tattoo showed mostly the woman's slender back and backside with just the side profile of her face as she appeared to be looking over her shoulder. I made sure to draw it so that it didn't look like one particular woman. This way, if Em ever married one day he could have the facial portion of the tattoo completed with the likeness of his wife.

Emmett cracked his knuckles and stretched his neck and back to avoid cramping. He then lay face down on the padded massage table we used for back work. He dropped his arms loosely, one falling off each side of the table to keep the skin as tight as possible.

I sprayed his back with water from a bottle and he quickly jerked up and barked, "What the fuck, bitch! You could have warmed that shit up first!"

Smirking, I pushed him back down and finished spraying his back. "Quit being such a pussy, bitch! If you like, I can always dry shave your ass instead!"

Smiling broadly, Emmett shook his ass. "It's not just my ass you'll be shaving, punk!"

I shake my head in amusement and decide to ignore the silly motherfucker. After snapping on a pair of black latex gloves I smoothly smear shaving lotion on his back. I reach over and grab the razor from the water basin and begin to shave all the fine peach fuzz from his back. He moans and I quickly slap to the back of his head with my free hand. Hard.

"Hey! I'm just fuckin' with you, man. Damn, you need to lighten up already! And you better not fucking cut me with that razor!"

I finish prepping his back and once it's rinsed, I slowly apply the stencil carefully making sure that the design is centered and even. He knows better than to give me shit while I'm doing this. Yeah, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my work, but if he moves even a little while I'm placing the stencil then it'll just get fucked up and take that much longer. Once it's on to my satisfaction, I begin to press into the design with a folded cloth so that the ink from the stencil transfers on to the skin creating the outline. I carefully pull the stencil off and check for any ink bleeds or areas where the ink didn't transfer well. All is good.

"Alright, bitch, get your big ass up and take a look at the design in the full length." I hand him a standard sized hand held mirror so he can check his reflection with the mirror on the wall and give the OK.

Emmett raises himself up and off the table and walks over to the full length mirror, turns around, and using the hand held mirror he is able to see the image that has been transposed onto his back. It appears he is more than satisfied with the result if the big ass dimple bearing smile he has plastered on his face is any indication.

"Well, Em, what do you think now that you have a general idea of what the final result will look like on your back?"

Emmett sets the hand held down on the nearest station and walks towards me with his closed fist raised to punch mine. "It's fucking amazing, E. With the designs I specialize in I never would have gotten that shit right. You are THE shit when it comes to sketching the human body."

I raise one brow sharply. "You know I'm the shit when it comes to more than just sketching the human body."

Emmett starts belly laughing having full knowledge my history and just nods his head and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah whatever, Casanova!"

Both Emmett and I are excellent artists and we've been honing our craft doing tattoos for paying clients for a few years now. We continued on our own during the last year of college when the shop we had been working in went under and referrals kept calling from us from previous happy clients. Being an architect had been my dream since I was a kid playing with legos, but when I started drawing designs for tattoos, and then went on to actually tattooing, I found my true calling.

The tattoo shop Emmett and I own together now was an opportunity that fell into our laps unexpectedly. A client who had used Charlie and Carlisle's legal services had previously owned the shop and was looking to sell. When Carlisle mentioned it to me, I immediately spoke to Emmett about purchasing the shop as a joint venture. He quickly agreed and the rest is history; Flesh for Fantasy was born and rocking pretty steady. It didn't take long to establish a rep and build clientele since we had kept the loyalty of the customer base from the previous owner, Aro. We now have four full time artists, a handful of apprentices, and a crazy chick that does piercings.

After I had finished adjusting my tattoo gun and setting up the ink wells I would need, I pulled on another fresh pair of gloves. "Quit staring at yourself in the mirror and lay back down, bitch! It's time to mix some blood and ink!"

Em walked over to the table and lay down properly once again. I start up my gun. "You ready, Em?" I ask before I lower the tip of the gun to my starting point.  
"I'm always ready, E." He responds cockily. I can't see him, but I know he's wagging his eyebrows like a creepy motherfucker.

I start to run the gun over the lines left on his back from the stencil.

"So are you finally going to tell me what made you want to start this piece today when the shop was closed?"

I let out a deep breath. I knew this would eventually come up, but damn I just wanted to sweep that shit under the rug right now.

"Come on, bro, you're my best friend. I can tell when you're keeping shit in so spill it."

Emmett settles down when he realizes I'm ignoring him. Listening to the low buzz of the tattoo gun provides my ears the white noise I need to calm down and relax to get into my zone. I wipe the area that I just outlined - wiping away the blood from the needle taps and any excess ink from the skin. It is looking good and at the rate that I've been going so far we should be done with the outline in a couple of hours.

"I went and saw Bella after the funeral last night."

Emmett lifts his head and shakes it side to side ."It's about fucking time you got your shit together," he replies.

"What the fuck is that supposed to even mean, Em? She left without a fucking word and stayed gone for four fucking years. And don't fucking move!" I wipe another area. Okay, so I wiped it just a little harder than I probably should have, but fuck.

_Shit, why didn't I keep my mouth shut._

"Well, did you get the answers you've been waiting all these years for or what?" He hissed through his teeth - obviously, feeling the pain of my wiping the area with a little more force than necessary. I may have felt bad for a second, but that was short lived.

I continued my assault on his back and told him about all the shit that went down last night with Bella. When I got to the part about Carlisle coming over to Bella's house with letters from the dead this morning, he couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.

"Hold the fuck up, E! What the fuck did Charlie say, and what does that shit have to do with Bella jumping ship faster than a virgin on a boat full of ugly ass pirates?"

I leaned back in my chair to stretch my back and roll my neck as I thought about my response. "In the letter, Charlie pretty much explained everything - why Bella left, why she didn't want anyone to know where she was and get this, his part in all of it. It's un-fucking-believable, man."

Emmett's head rises up from the table and he glances back at me with a shocked expression on his face. "You've gotta be shitin' me."

I just shook my head in disbelief. Honestly, I was still in shock myself over what Charlie revealed in the letter. I wasn't sure of what he had written in his letter to Bella, but I figure it's much like the one I got.

"So it seems that Bella's aunt Kate had offered her an internship at her studio in Georgia, an internship that she never told me about. Charlie said Bella had been undecided about the offer, but after an overnight trip to Seattle, she was suddenly eager to go to Savannah and spend some time with her aunt before starting the internship. Evidently, she was unhappy here in Forks and while she wouldn't admit the real reason why she suddenly wanted to go he ultimately agreed to it in the end so she could experience life outside of Washington."

I paused to wipe the residual ink and blood from my current canvas, silently noting the areas that I would have to lightly pass over again. "He also wrote that he had assumed the real reason Bella wanted to leave was because of her crush on me."

_When the fuck did that happen? Had I been that blind? No, you just loved her too much to fuck it up by crossing that line._

Bella had been my best friend, and sure we had been physically attracted to each other. Hell, we'd both been teenagers and the hormones were ramping up into full gear and shit, I was a guy. Guys can't help but look at hot bodies whether it's on a friend's or not. But I had dated... a lot, all throughout high school and college. I guess I never really noticed when Bella didn't. I just figured she was waiting for that romantic idealized shit all girls want - her prince charming. Ha, well her prince charming would have had to meet me and my brothers before getting fifty feet from Bella's cute little body.

And then there's Charlie. Charlie didn't think anyone was good enough for his Bella. I agreed with him on that front. I was a punk-ass, trouble making teenager with raging hormones and Bella was the sweet, innocent girl next door. So fucking cliché, except we didn't fuck it up with sex. I know he loved me like a son, but I also knew he didn't want me anywhere near Bella in THAT way. Again, I agreed with him, so any thoughts of Bella other than a friend was thrown into the oubliette of never will be. We had been as close as best friends could be and sometimes the both of us had gotten a little touchy with each other while watching a movie or something, but that's it. Anything beyond that was fantasy shit I created for my own personal Bella spank bank. Shit, she would have freaked the fuck out if she had known the hot fantasies she had starred in unknowingly in the deep recesses of my boned out horny mind. My mind - and my cock - shamelessly leading me one of my favorites...

_Bella bent over in front of me moaning desperately with her luscious tight ass in the air and my tongue buried deep in her tight wet pussy. My large hands gripping her hips tight to thrust her back into my face as I fucked her with my mouth. My hands tightening on her hips when her body starts to shake and her moans get louder as she starts to..._

Punching my thigh, I try to get a grip on myself. Thank God I had paused while I was working on Emmett's back, otherwise I might have ruined the outline. Breathing out silently, I try to control myself before Emmett turns his head and sees my fucking boner.

"It gets worse from there," I grimaced. "Apparently Bella had come home early from Seattle, because she hadn't been feeling well and unknowingly came upon the single tail whipping session by none other than yours truly. And I was practicing on her mom's naked friend."

Emmett just turned his head and stared at me silently with big eyes before he started shaking in mirth. "Wait, wait, take a break for a second. I don't want this tat fucked up while I lose my shit!"

"Are you seriously finding this amusing, you fucking dick head!" I shouted incredulously at the same as I pulled the tattoo gun away from his skin. As soon as I had backed off, Emmett jumped up off of the table and doubled over laughing uncontrollably.

_What the fuck? Is this hardheaded rhino really laughing at my situation? This is why Dr. Phil and vodka are so fucking popular - your fucking so called friends laugh when you're in the pits of fucking despair instead of quietly listening and helping you get passed the pain._

"What the fuck is so fucking funny, asshole!" Now, I was getting pretty fucking pissed off. Yeah, I was fully aware of Emmett's bulk compared to mine, but at this point I was so fucking pissed off that I had no doubt I could take him down.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry, E, but that shit is a fucking classic!" The bitch was laughing so hard he was wiping tears from his eyes. "Dude, you have to admit if the roles were reversed and it was me that was going through this shit, you would be laughing your ass off at my expense."

I gave him a dirty look. Clearly, I must be the better friend.

"I'm glad you find this so fucking hilarious!" I picked up the basin of water and chucked it at him. Yeah, it was a bitch move on my part but whatever. Maybe I should bite him and pull his fucking earring off too.

_Keep laughing, motherfucker. _

"Well, I'm sure you'll find it equally entertaining to hear that the person I was practicing on was fucking Tanya Denali!"

Emmett just continued to wail like a fucking banshee and holding his stomach, he starts looking around wildy. "E, you gotta fucking stop, man. You're killing me over here! There's no way. There's gotta be a camera in here. Where is he? Where's the dude who jumps out and yells 'you're punked'?"

"What? You think I'm fucking joking? Are you fucking serious, Em?" I turned around to look for something, anything that I could punch without having to call the insurance company, because if I didn't, I was seriously going to kick Emmett's ass in about three point two seconds.

"Ok, ok, bro, I'm sorry! Seriously man, that shit was unexpected. I thought you were fuckin' with me for a minute, but now I can see that you're really upset so I feel ya', alright? I'll shut my big mouth now." Emmett grins and he tries to stop the giggles that he can't keep in, while trying to make a serious face.

_Now the fucker's giggling like some silly teeny bopper seeing Justin Bieber for the first time._

"Oh yeah, I can see how you would think I'm making this shit up, Em, but Christ! - give me a break already!" I growl through gritted teeth and hands fisted on either side of me. Shit, I need to calm the hell down.

Shaking my head to clear the cloud of disbelief and outrage, I start walking away from Emmett and calmly say with my back turned, "I'm going out for a smoke. Alone." I push open the back door and slam it shut for good measure. "Fucker!"

After retrieving my smokes from my car, I light up and lean my back against the cool bricks on the outside of the building next to the back door of my shop. Fucking Emmett's right about one thing, I feel like I've just been punked by that pansy-ass looking fucker, Kutcher. The last 4 years worrying about Bella had been bad enough, but the last twenty four hours have been a nightmare from hell and I don't see this getting better anytime soon.

I still can't believe Bella saw that shit that day and I had had no clue all this time. How the hell could I have known though? She should have said something to me.

_C'mon man, how the fuck would she even know how to start that conversation? "uhm Edward, can I ask why you were whipping my mom's naked friend in my backyard?" I doubt she's ever even heard of BDSM or terms like dominant and submissive in a sexual capacity. _

I know that her parents came clean about their BDSM lifestyle before Charlie died, but I highly doubt Bella is aware that I play as well. Obviously she saw me using the whip on Tanya that day and until her father told her about BDSM, she probably never thought anything but the worst of what she had seen. I doubt even now she realizes or understands that it's become my life too.

I am a Dom and have been for years. I'm not sure what Bella will make of it - if she will accept me the way I am or hightail her ass for the hills... again. This is why I never mentioned or hinted at it all those years ago when I started participating. I knew she was too innocent to understand and I had been afraid she would pull away from me.

I walk over to put my smoke out in the ashtray I leave out on the ledge of the back window by the back door, just as a car pulls into the lot and parks in the open spot next to my car.

"Fucking hell, not now," I mumble to myself when I recognize the driver, wishing the ground would open up beneath me and swallow me whole.

She sits in her car staring straight ahead for a few seconds, before she turns the engine off and gets out. She walks towards me slowly, hesitation in every step and distress lining her brows and expressed when she starts biting her lower lip anxiously.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

She looks at me with her tear stained cheeks and watery bloodshot eyes.

"Edward, I'm really sorry to just show up like this," she says quietly, "but Carlisle told me where you would probably be and I think there's been enough running away. Can we talk?"

Knowing this conversation was obviously not going to postpone itself I had no choice but to do this now.

"Alright, Bella, let's talk."


	7. Chapter 6

**AN: I have a wonderful friend who has offered to beta my story so a big thank you to her for making this story better. Readtoomuch you rock! If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time. This fanfic is rated M for a reason! Please, if you are under the age of 18 or if you cannot handle things getting hot you probably would be better off reading something else. I also would like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

I reluctantly pulled into the parking lot behind the shop of the address Carlisle had given me. Feeling nervous as I usually do when it comes to Edward, I contemplated turning my car around and heading back home.

_Stop it! Running away is what made everything worse. _

Seeing a movement out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a man against the red brick building in between a window and a steel door leading to a shop. It was dark in the shadow of the building, but I knew by his stance that it was Edward. I saw the flicker of a faint orange glow from a cigarette and the haze of smoke float upward to be swept away by a slight breeze.

_When did Edward start smoking? What other habits has he picked up that I don't know?_

I'm sure there are a lot of things that I don't know about Edward anymore. Knowing that I'm not privy to even the smallest details about his life anymore makes my heart ache. I feel like I'm the same plain, boring Bella that I have always been, but it seems as though everyone else around me has been changing, and I don't honestly know how I feel about that. Do I feel resentment that everyone's moved on so well without me? Am I even allowed these feelings when it's my fault; I ran away instead of confronting Edward about what I saw and my dad about what was going on in our backyard?

Alerted by the sound of my car, Edward looked up and watched me as I parked my car. He did not look happy to see me.

_Well, he did slam his way out of the house before you could confess the who, what, where, and why of everything._

I placed my hands on the steering wheel, straightening my elbows and tried to get my thoughts together. With a quick pep talk and silent prayer, I eased myself out of the car and closed the door before turning towards Edward. I noticed right away that he looked quite tired and disheveled. I'm guessing the couch in the living room wasn't the most comfortable and probably contributed to his current state, along with all the stuff my dad probably told him.

I can see his body tensing more with every step that brings me closer to him. Meeting his eyes, those beautiful green eyes, I desperately search for any remnants left behind of the Edward I once knew, hoping against hope he still existed in the man standing before me. I recognize the deep olive green eyes and unruly dark bronze tinted hair, but that's where the similarities ended between my Edward and the one standing before me. His once carefree attitude that had always lifted my own spirits was missing and in place was a stranger with bleak eyes and a hardened demeanor.

_Is this my fault too? What have I done?_

He now looks harder and rougher around the edges. He's always been tall and athletically lean, but now he's intimidating and not just because of the tattoos and piercings. There's a domineering aura about him that makes me cautious and yet fascinates me at the same time. This is the new Edward and I'm not sure I like what this new Edward is doing to my heart. I want the safety of my Edward.

Dropping his eyes, he remotely asks,"Bella, what are you doing here?" It was as though he was seeing right through me and speaking to a stranger.

I closed my eyes and dropped my chin for just a moment to steady my emotions and gather my thoughts.

_Is that what I am to him? A stranger? _

"Edward, I'm really sorry to just show up like this," I responded to him in an almost whispered plea, "but Carlisle told me where you would probably be and I think there's been enough running away. Can we talk?"

He finally looks me in the eyes and agrees. "Alright, Bella, let's talk," he answers in a solemn tone, so unlike the tone he used last night. It's like I'm not even talking to the same person. He's closed off; his face is void of expression and for my Edward that is unusual and disconcerting.

I slowly released the breath that I had been holding. I try to search my mind so that I can come up with the right things to say. On the tense drive over, I had gone over and over in my mind what I would say to Edward when I saw him, but now this angry, cold Edward has me so flustered, I'm at a complete loss for words. I'm feeling even more overwhelmed, and I'm deathly afraid this mess cannot be fixed.

The anxiety that seems to have taken up permanent residency in my chest is making it a lot harder for me to think clearly. I feel as though a heavy weight has attached itself to my ankle and is threatening to pull me under into an oubliette of nothingness. I am drowning and there's not a drop of water anywhere near me. How can that be?

_Oh god, please no…. don't panic now! Keep your shit together, girl!_

I quietly inhale a much needed breath through my nose and release it slowly out of my mouth. And repeat. It's taking every ounce of strength I have to maintain my composure right now. Having a panic attack now, in front of Edward, would only make things worse.

"Look, Bella," he says running his right hand through his sexy messy hair before pinching the bridge of his nose, "Charlie told me why you left."

I start to respond to his statement, but he quickly interrupts. He rakes the fingers of both hands aggressively through the longish locks of hair on his head, adding a firm tug as he reaches the ends.

"First off, I want to say that I am so fucking sorry that you saw what you saw. I can't even begin to imagine what you thought or how you felt seeing that." He closes his eyes. It's clear he's struggling just as much as I am to find the right words to say.

"Fuck, Bella! I need you to understand that what you saw that day was not what it looked like." He shook his head. "It was, but it wasn't. Shit... I mean it WAS what it looked like, but not in the way it was meant to be. Fuck, how do I explain?" He started to restlessly rub his hands up and down the side of his thighs and I could his previous impenetrable attitude start to crack a little.

"I just want you to know that I've never had a sexual relationship with Tanya. What you saw was just me practicing the techniques I had been learning for the class I was taking." He explains.

I was relieved he had confirmed my suspicions about Tanya Denali since I had read my father's letters, but it was still all too much information on a topic I had never even heard about. I still can't believe I never had a clue about my parents and then to find out Carlisle and Esme and Edward...?

_How could they have hid this from me all this time? How the fuck did I not see any inkling of it? _

"Edward, my dad wrote to me about what you and Tanya were really doing. I understand and readily admit that I jumped to conclusions, but what the fuck was I supposed to think?! I had no idea whatsoever that my parents, your parents, and _you_ were involved in any kind of 'alternative lifestyle' or whatever you call it." I never in my life imagined having a conversation like this with anyone, including Edward.

_God, this is so embarrassing!_

"Honestly, I can't even describe how I felt when I saw you and Tanya. I was more than hurt and confused, I had never seen anything like that and….and... I didn't know what to think." I noticed movement behind Edward and realized that someone was opening the door.

"E, what the fuck, man? Are we gonna do this shit or are you going to keep crying about B... Oh, shit I didn't know you had company out here." The stranger admitted sheepishly.

Edward closed his eyes tight in annoyance.

_F... M... L... _I could feel my face warming up and couldn't stop the blush from making me red as a tomato when I saw the guy leaning against the open door behind Edward.

_Holy hot shit!_

He was absolutely gorgeous with his dark hair and blue eyes. The guy was huge with muscles I could clearly see since he wasn't wearing a shirt and really, really low hung blue jeans. Umm... okay.

"Well, hello there, beautiful." Hot guy with no shirt says to me as he blatantly looks me up and down. "The name's Emmett." He reaches his hand out to take mine.  
As I reach past Edward to shake Emmett's hand, I miss Edward squinting his eyes to glare at him.

_Did I just hear a growl? _I take a quick glance behind me to look for a dog.

"Touch her and I'm going to crush your nuts, fucker!" Edward spits out as he forced his way between us preventing Emmett from shaking my hand.

_What the hell's going on? That was kind of rude. _

Emmett just laughs and holds his hands up in surrender. "Ah, so you must be the beautiful Bella." He smiles a big toothy grin and winks at me. I notice that he has adorable dimples that appear on his both cheeks when he smiles and I think of a big cuddly teddy bear... with muscles.

"Well, I don't know about beautiful," I laugh and smile genuinely for the first time in a long time, "but yes, I'm Bella."

Still smiling at him, I glance towards Edward and wonder why seems upset I'm meeting his friend.

_Is he embarrassed of me or something?_

I immediately start to feel out of sorts and I want nothing more than to leave. "Umm, I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize you were here with your friend. I need to get going anyway." I stuttered hurriedly as I backed up to head to my car praying that I don't trip on my own two feet and humiliate myself further.

"Wait, Bella," Edward stops me before I could unlock my car and get in. "I need to finish up the outline of Em's tattoo. Will you be home later?" he asks, continuing before I could answer. "I should be done in a couple of hours. I could stop and pick up some take out for dinner and we can talk then."

I glance towards the back door and notice that his friend has gone back inside. I don't know if I can handle any more of this today, but I also do not know if I would ever be ready. I just know that things can't continue to be awkward like this any longer. Dad and Carlisle were right, we needed to get everything out in the open before we could move on - with or without each other.

"Okay, sounds good," I replied not really knowing what else to say.

**EPOV**

I stayed outside to have another smoke while I watched Bella pull away. As much as I hate that I have missed out on the last four years of her life, the truth is it was probably better that way. I have always had a Dominant personality - I like control, I _need_ control. Nature versus nurture, in my case, as well as my brothers, I would have to say that it is our nature, because even though my parents lived a BDSM lifestyle they had never advertised it.

It was not until my junior year of high school that I figured out what went on 'behind closed doors' with my parents and their friends. By then, my personality and my need to be the Dominant one in the relationship had already been established, as all my previous girlfriends quickly realized. Not every person needs to be either the Dominant or the submissive in a relationship, there are plenty of people that happily reside somewhere in the middle. I just don't happen to be one of those people cruising in the middle and a vanilla relationship just doesn't appeal to me, at all.

Perhaps Charlie was right to believe I wasn't right for Bella. It's easy enough to see why he couldn't picture his innocent but strong-willed little girl participating in the same lifestyle that he and his wife had indulged in for so many years. Bella was so different from Renee, so much stronger, and though he had seen other woman in the D/s relationship, Renee was the only one he had ever loved and known in this sense. He had known my true nature, could see it before I could, and that's why he believed Bella and I could never be more than just friends. He never wanted or expected Bella to be exposed to any of this. He certainly never wanted her to know the truth about her mother.

Charlie and Renee had a unique relationship in the BDSM world. There are many Doms and subs that play only in the privacy of their own bedrooms or at clubs catering to their kinks on the weekends, but there are not as many who maintain the 24/7 lifestyle. Charlie and Renee lived as one of the rare 24/7 Dom and sub, and they were so intune with each other, so subtly interconnected that unless they had personally told you, you would never have known that was how they lived. Fuck, Charlie and Renee were so subtle a perceptive girl like Bella never even had a clue about how symbiotic their relationship really was.

_Too many fucking secrets._

I stubbed out my cigarette and decided to go back inside to finish up the rest of the outline for Em's tat. I walked into the shop and used the sink to wash my hands before getting back to work. As I walked back to my workstation, I saw Em talking quietly on his cellphone. He mumbles something into the phone and I hear him end the call when he sees me. Slipping his phone into the back pocket of his jeans, he gives me a cocky ass smile.

"It's about time you brought your ass back in here," he hollered. "I thought I'd be going home with only half of the outline done making me look like some kind of pussy who couldn't take the pain. Fucker!"

"That can be arranged, asshole." I snapped back at him. "Get your sorry ass back on the table so we can knock this shit out." Em just rolled his eyes at me and got back into position as I pulled on a fresh pair of latex gloves and got back to work.

"So that's the infamous Bella Swan who's had your boxers in a twist for-fucking-ever, huh?"

"The one and only." I sighed hoping he would just leave it at that, but knowing he wouldn't.

Emmett lifted his head off of the table and smirked. "She's fucking hot man, I can't believe you never hit that shit."

I stopped working and fiercely pushed my chair back. I tried to reign in the anger that was building and threatening to explode in the form of my fist pounding the smirk off of Emmett's fucking face.

"If I ever here you talk like that about Bella again, I will rip your fucking dick off and shove it down your throat," I hissed. "That shit doesn't fly with me when it comes to her, so shut the fuck up before I shut you up myself!"

Emmett lifted himself into sitting position with his legs dangling off the side of the table and gawked at me - giving me a look like I had just told him that Santa Claus wasn't real or some shit.

"E, let's get something straight," he says in the most grim and serious tone I've ever heard from him. "I do NOT have a dick. I have NOT had a dick as part of my anatomy since I was twelve fucking years old. What I do have however is a long, thick, glorious COCK, motherfucker!" He suddenly grins and gives me a fucking wink. "You'd do best to remember that in the future."

I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. Em comes out with shit like this and makes it impossible for anyone to stay mad at him. He can make you go from wanting to punch him in the face, to wanting to ask him to be the Godfather of your children. I knew I was overreacting, but I can't help myself when it comes to Bella.

"Christ, Em, it's a fucking miracle how you've had as much pussy as you've had! Please tell me that when a woman says she wants to suck your dick, you don't spout that same bullshit speech," I ask incredulously.

"E, you know as well as I do that I swim in pussy on a regular basis. And to answer your eloquently put question, yes I most certainly do tell every woman who refers to my manhood with such a naïve word that the appropriate term - the ONLY term - to use would be _cock_." He answers as he lies down on the table after cooling the tension in the air.

I leaned forward and started the steady hum of my tattoo gun once again. I began to feel the lull created by the white noise, calming my nerves as I continued to pass over the lines created from the stencil to make the image permanent with black ink.

"So, E, you ready for Rush Week at Chained next week or what?"

I paused to think about my answer knowing he'll probably take whatever I say now and use it against me as he tries to gauge my feelings for Bella. Chained is the club Charlie and Carlisle opened up a few years ago. For most people, it's a place to go out, have a drink and unwind, dance a little and maybe meet someone. To the select few - those who have been properly vetted and pay the high annual membership fees - it is so much more. Rush Week is held twice a year and is the only time the ones in the know can hope to gain access to the exclusive side, the darker side of Chained. Rush Week is next week.

"I'm ready, fucking bring it." I say grimly, and for the first time since Chained opened, I feel something different, something wrong.


	8. Chapter 7

**AN: I have a wonderful friend who has offered to beta my story so a big thank you to her for making this story better. Readtoomuch, you rock! If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time. Any errors are completely mine.**  
**Normally I am not a big fan of long AN's, but I would like to let readers know beforehand what is in store for this little story of mine. No infidelity between E/B if they make it to relationship status. Yes, E has been sexually active while apart from Bella. This story includes characters who participate in a BDSM lifestyle. The amount of participation varies, not all of them are hardcore but there are some that are. E is a Dom, not a sadist, and his past and experience with this lifestyle is extensive. That does not mean that in order to be happy with Bella that she has to conform to his lifestyle. However involved Bella may or may not become in the lifestyle will be because she chooses to do so not because she feels that she has to be a certain way for E.**  
**Now, I know that there are readers who take offense when it comes to those who choose a BDSM lifestyle and that is your right to do so. Just don't read on. The important message to those who choose to dip their toes in this brand of kink is that it is always consensual and done with safety in mind.**

**Safe, Sane, and Consensual. **

**This fanfic is rated M for a reason! Please, if you are under the age of 18 or if you cannot handle things getting hot you probably would be better off reading something else. **  
**I also would like to point out that I only wish to borrow names and a bunch of other shit from Twilight with respect of course to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

So many thoughts, dreams, and regrets weaved their way through my mind as I drove back to my childhood home. I didn't know what I expected to find when I came back to Forks three months ago, but I honestly didn't imagine Edward would be living here in. I always thought he would end up living and working in a big city after graduating from college, so it was a big surprise to find out he had moved back to Forks and had planted even more roots by opening his own business.

There is so much about Edward that is different, so much has changed and I wonder if we'll ever have the same closeness we had once shared. The difference in his eyes from last night when he had still remained in the dark about my reasons for leaving to today, now that he knows all, was shocking.

_I did that to him, I took away his light._

When I left Forks all those years ago, I left behind all the pieces that made up my heart. Everything has changed with the knowledge I have gained since I have been back. With what I had seen and believed, I had been able to justify leaving four years ago. Now, knowing what I know, I can't justify any of my actions.

For all I know Edward could wind up hating me. He may hate me already. I should have gone to him for an explanation, as he would have come to me for one. But I didn't, and no matter what that is something that I cannot change. There are no words, no pleas, and no petty explanations that can undo the damage that has been done. I will always love him from a distance in my own quiet way as I always have, but the difference this time around is that it may be _him_ staying away from _me _instead of the opposite way around.

_Please, please God, don't let that happen._

I suddenly stepped firmly on the brakes as I approached a red traffic light I had not expected to be there. Unfortunately, I didn't come to a complete stop until I had just passed the broad white line leaving the front of my car part way into the intersection. "Shit!" I checked the rearview mirror to see if I had enough space to back up in reverse and saw a police car right behind me. Yes, things have definitely changed around here. Growing up there had been no traffic lights in the small town of Forks. I must have been completely out of it before, because I was pretty sure I had passed through this intersection on my way to Edward's shop earlier.

_Keep it together, Bella._

I kept my sight straight ahead focusing on the still red traffic light while I waited for it to turn green. I impatiently tap my fingers on the steering wheel while wondering when Forks got the traffic light.

_What the fuck is taking this light so long, there aren't even any other cars around?_

As soon as I finished that thought, I heard the unmistakable siren of a police car scaring the living shit out of me, because it was so close and ridiculously loud. "What the fuck?" The traffic light turned green, but I waited for the officer to move his car around to pass me. The cop behind me turned on the flashing red and blue lights and when he doesn't pull around to pass me, I realize the siren and flashing lights are for me.

_Are you kidding me? Jesus fucking Christ, can't a girl get a break around here?_

I sighed loudly and dramatically, because I fucking needed too right now. I proceeded to pass through the intersection and pulled over to the right side of the road. I have never gotten a traffic ticket and I really don't want my streak to end. I looked into the rear view mirror just as the cop exits his car, at least the officer is a man, so maybe I could pout a little and avoid a ticket. As I went to push the button to roll my window down the officer tapped my window with his mag light.

Okay, this was obviously one of those cops - you know the ones who needed to let everyone around them who was in charge. Tapping on my window with a fucking flashlight that he doesn't even need during the day as I am rolling down the window is just rude, obnoxious, and absolutely unnecessary. I keep my head turned away and roll my eyes as the window continues its' downward descent. Ugh, I really don't want to deal with this right now.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the virginal Bella Swan," the cop sneered. "I heard you were back in town dealing with your dear ol' daddy's death and all," he snickered as he bent forward and practically leaned the whole top half of his body into my car, his face only inches from mine even though I was leaning away almost completely over the center console. Shit, he was so close, too close; I could feel the heat from his breath brushing on my face. "You're still a virgin, aren't you? I bet you have the tightest pussy in Washington," he said in a low whisper that gave me the chills. "What? I don't see any Cullens hanging around to help keep that pussy freshly sealed tight." He shook his head and let out a tsk tsk sound as though he was trying to command a horse.

"Oh, I see you are just as big of a dick as always, out making your daddy proud, huh, Jacob?" I retorted warily as I tried my hardest to not show any fear. The truth was I was really scared.

Jacob Black was fucking slime. He had been the only male in Forks to have ever gotten close enough to make a move on me when I was younger. The only reason he had been able to get anywhere near me was because he had sneakily stalked me and he would patiently wait until I was alone to taunt me. When I was a freshman in high school he had trapped me between my locker and his buddy, Travis, and groped me. I never told anyone what had happened and though I had my reasons for not telling anyone at the time, I was beginning to regret that decision now.

"What the hell, Jacob? You're certainly not acting in an appropriate manner for an officer of the law." I seethed as I reached over to the cup holder in the center console of my car to grab my phone. Was I really going to have to fucking call 911 on this maggot?

"Well, I wouldn't worry your pretty little head about whether or not I'm being appropriate or not," he chuckled low and creepily. "I'm the Chief of police in this town now." He smiled slyly, running depraved dark eyes down my frame that was still stretched back over the console before pulling back to lean his right arm over the driver's side door above the window.

"Whatever," I snarked, silently relieved he had moved away from me and out of my car. Clearly some people never change. "What am I being pulled over for, Chief Black?" I sighed.

**JBPOV**

_Stupid fucking bitch._

"The reason I pulled you over, Miss Swan, is because you were obviously not paying attention while driving and dangerously stopped partly into the intersection." I answered doing my best to reign in my explosive temper. I won't be giving her any more reasons to go whining to the Cullens about harassment or some shit like that.

"But I didn't even see the traffic signal until just before I stopped. When did Forks even get this traffic light? Is it really necessary?" She argued, of course she did. Like I knew she would.

_Stupid fucking bitch._

"Miss Swan, I'm sure we both have better things to do with our time, so if you don't mind I will need to see your license and registration." I demanded. She gave me a dirty look as she reached over into the center console of her fancy ass Porsche Cayenne to retrieve her paperwork. I just stood outside her car with one forearm pressed against the top of her door and my stare directed down straight towards her lap.

_Just to give her a little bit of a mind fuck._

"Here is my license and registration." She said as she handed me her paperwork. I snatched the papers out of her grasp and turned to head back to my patrol car to call her shit in. With any luck the stupid bitch would have a warrant and I could pat that sweet body down, slap some cuffs on her and really make this a good fucking day.

_Yeah right, Little Miss Virgin Pussy, has probably never gotten into trouble a day in her pathetic life._

I get back into my patrol car and typed her information into the laptop. I know the bitch has been back for at least the last three months, but I don't think she's staying. If she had moved back permanently, I could at least cite her for not renewing her driver's license in the state of Washington in the appropriate time frame. Fuck! I know I need to play my cards right and not give her any reason to bring this encounter up to anyone else, especially to any of the Cullens. I'll just issue her a warning and be patient, even though I would love nothing more than to wrap my hand around her throat and punish the bitch. I filled out a warning slip and took my time walking back to her car.

"Well, Miss Swan, today is your lucky day. I'm feeling quite generous and have decided to issue you with just a warning this time. Watch how you drive or I may not be so nice next time." I said as I remained calm, cool, and collected. The stupid fucking bitch just stared up at me with her stupid brown eyes. I just smirked at her one last time, turned around, and walked away leaving her to wonder on her own what the fuck had just happened.

_Soon. You'll get what you deserve. I'll make sure of it._

Isabella fucking Swan deserves to die slowly, painfully, and by my hand. She had always acted as though she was better than everyone else. Though everyone else was fooled by her sweet girl act, I could see the truth in her cruel eyes. There was a time back in elementary school when Bella, the Cullens, and I had been friends, but that stupid bitch ruined it.

Charlie had been good friends with my dad, Billy, especially when my whore of a mother left my father when I was six years old, and my little sister, Emily, was five, because we were too poor. It was through Charlie my family became friendly with the Cullens. Almost my entire life had been spent attending their fancy birthday parties, sport activities, anniversaries as well as dinner parties. Jasper Cullen and I had become good friends and Bella and Emily were friends, so we were always around each other even without all the fancy get togethers.

I was in sixth grade when I started to look at Bella as more than an annoying little shit hanging around with Emily. It was around the same time I had discovered that gripping my cock while I stroked it up and down could make me feel really good. I started to go through my dad's boxes of pictures just to find photos of Bella so I could look at them while I got off.

_Ungrateful bitch!_

I had done everything for her. I always made an extra peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich to give her at lunch because it was her favorite, I carried her backpack for her, I protected her from the taunts of other kids trying to bully her. Where were the Cullen boys then? Jasper was always out busy doing his own thing, and the younger twin Cullens, Riley and Conner, were too young to do shit. Edward wasn't around since he had started junior high so it was all me; I took care of Bella... and she took care of me. Every night it wasn't my hand gripping my hard cock, it was hers. It wasn't my hand I was coming all over, it was hers. She was there with me every night. She had been mine, only mine.

The day I was set to graduate from the sixth grade was the day I had planned to ask Bella to be my girlfriend. I made sure to wear my best pair of Levis paired with the white button down dress shirt that my dad had gotten me when we had to go to the ceremony when he made Chief of Police. I even cleaned my shoes so that they would look better. I was sure that Bella would say yes. Sometimes I saw her looking at me too.

That day I had been so nervous. I had been walking to school earlier that morning when I had come across a rose bush and broke off a few of the stems to give to Bella. I had learned from the shows I had watched on TV, I knew that girls liked to get flowers so I was sure that Bella would be mine before school got out that day. Since we weren't in the same grade I didn't see her until lunch time. When I sat down next to her I opened my lunch box and gave her the peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich I had made for her and the small bouquet of tiny roses I had pulled for her.

"Jacob," she giggled "why are you giving me flowers?" she had asked. When she looked up from the flowers to gaze into my eyes I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Her cheeks were blotchy pink and her lips were chapped, but I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

"I saw these roses when I was on my way to school this morning and I thought you would like them." I confessed nervously. "I want to ask you a question, Bella." I said shyly as I picked at the hem on the sides of my jeans.

"What, Jacob?" She asked as she looked up at me through her long dark lashes.

"Uhmm….Bella….. I…I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?" I mumbled quickly and in a low voice so the others around us couldn't hear me. My heart was still beating so fast, too fast and it seemed as though hours had passed since I asked her and she still had not said anything back to me. I began to panic.

_What if she says no?! I will never be able to look her again!_

I leaned my head forward chin to chest and began biting the inside of my lower lip. I was nervously staring at the stitches holding my shoes together and that's when I heard her laugh. I looked up to see Bella jump out of her seat at the lunch table and start running. She was laughing as she chased Jasper around the lunch room and when she caught up to him she hit him over the head with….the flowers. I looked around and saw the red rose petals falling everywhere, the flowers I had just given to her lay in ruins on the floor. Students all around me saw and laughed at the scene before them. Panicking, I grabbed my lunch box and backpack and ran out of the suddenly too crowded cafeteria, running as fast as I could. I ran into the boy's room gasping for breath, leaning against the sink.

_I will not cry._

I looked into the mirror above the sink and saw the evidence of tears that have now betrayed me. I felt like throwing up. I wanted to punch something or hurt someone like I'm hurting now.

_How could she laugh at me and run away? How could she destroy the flowers I gave her like they were nothing? _

I steered clear of Bella Swan after that day. The hatred I felt towards her consumed me and all I could feel was a rage that grew every year at her unfeeling cruelty. Don't even get me started on the Cullens brothers. Because Charlie, Carlisle, and pops were such good friends, we had to see them all the time. Never mind the fact that my slut of a sister has tried time and time again to get any and all of the Cullen brothers to fuck her. She had herself convinced that she could get one of the brothers to fall for her and that the fool would take her out of our life of poverty and give her a better life.

_Yeah, right, another stupid fucking bitch!_

The Cullens and the Swans both came from money and their kids always had everything they had ever wanted. On top of being rich, the Cullen brothers were all good-looking and popular. By the time I started high school, I had grown quite a bit. I was 6'2 and built like a brick wall, so I had no problem getting on the football team at school, but I had both Edward and Jasper Cullen as teammates. Edward had been quarterback with Jasper as the running back. I had the position as a weakside linebacker. They had always been better and faster and I fucking hated them!

I knew I looked good and had had my fair share of pussy, but it was always leftovers that one or both of the Cullen brothers had already had. That was my life. By the time I had started high school, what little friendship left between Jasper and I since that day had pretty much fizzled out. Edward and I were never close to begin with so nothing changed there. There was one change however that pissed me off even more.

By the time, Bella fucking Swan started high school she had the Cullen boys wrapped around her little deceptive finger, fooling them with her innocent sweet act. One of the Cullen boys was always by her side, walking down the hall with an arm thrown over her shoulder, holding hands, or giving the death glare to any other guy that even looked her way. Even me.

_Fuck them all of them! They're good enough to touch her, but not me? _

Almost shaking in fury, I shrugged myself out of these depressing fucking memories. When I looked out of the front windshield of my patrol car I could see Bella had already taken off. I sneered at the back of her car, as I turned the key to start my car and drove towards the woods away from prying eyes.

I pulled onto an off beaten dirt path and when I felt secure that I was alone I parked the car. I leaned the driver's seat back, unzipped my pants and pulled my cock out into my hands. Bella's face was still on the screen of the laptop since I had looked up her driver's license earlier.

_Stupid fucking bitch!_

I wrapped my fingers tight around my cock and began to stroke it violently. The pain quickly turned into pleasure. I looked at Bella's face staring at me from the laptop and it wasn't long before her picture began to morph itself into the image I had created in my mind a long time ago while pumping my hand even harder towards release. I felt the tightening in my stomach, my nuts began pulling themselves closer to my groin, and finally just as I imagined the life drain out of those big brown eyes staring at me, I found my release groaning as a small smile formed on my lips.

Bella was going to die and it would be by my hand. _I _was going to be the man to fuck her for the first and the last time, and when I did I would wrap one hand around her tiny little throat and I would squeeze until I was ready to stop, and just before her heart would give up I would revive her from the brink of death and do it all over again... and again... and again.


	9. Chapter 8

**AN: I have a wonderful friend who has offered to beta my story so a big thank you to her for making this story better. Readtoomuch, you rock! If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time. Any errors are completely mine. Twilight is not mine, no copyright infringement intended. **

**I would also like to take the time to clear some things up for those of you who may have questions regarding Jacob Black. Clearly, he is a bit off his rocker and yes, he will play a role in this story that may be a bit disturbing to some of you. I was nervous posting that last chapter that some of you would be a bit put off by his abrasiveness, but I am asking for you to have some faith and trust me. There will be times that I will include Jacob's POV, but I will only do so if I think that it is needed for readers to understand what is going on at the time. It is not my intention to traumatize those who have chosen to read FfF. Do I want readers to have a WTF moment? Hell yes, I do! **  
**For those of you following this story I would like to thank you for continuing to do so.**

**Chapter 8**

**BPOV**

_Oh my God, oh my God! What the hell was that!_

As soon as Jacob had closed the car door on his patrol car, I yanked the gearshift of my car into drive, planted my foot on the gas and got the hell out of dodge. Well, as fast as I could without the threat of getting pulled over again, because I did NOT want another confrontation with Jacob. I could not stop my body from shaking and it was not small tremors or anything I could control. My entire body was a convulsing mess and it was as though every muscle inside me had a mind of its own and acted on its own accord. All of my nerves were electrified with confused fright. Throat dry and breathing hard, I kept glancing in my rear view mirror convinced Jacob Black was following me.

_What the fuck just happened? Why in the hell did he say that shit? Does he really hate me that much?_

I still to this day don't understand his blatant animosity towards me. Jacob and I had gotten along fine as kids. His sister, Emily, and I had been friends and since he was only one grade ahead of me in school we saw each other most days almost always ate lunch together in the cafeteria. Then one day out of the blue things between us went downhill. It all began the summer before I started sixth grade.

Our families got together for the usual summer barbeques and birthdays, but there was a noticeable and drastic change in our friendship that summer. Jacob had stopped attending all of the functions my parents had thrown and it became rare for him to show up at any of the events the Cullens had hosted after that summer. On the rare occasion that Jacob did happen to show up at a family event he would completely avoid me and now that I think about it he steered clear of the Cullen brothers as well.

Once I became a sophomore in high school he finally stopped avoiding me. Just when I thought that maybe he was getting over whatever issues he had with me, he started harassing me instead. He became a bully and he would relentlessly tease and torment me when no one else was around. In the beginning I tried to talk to him and asked what his problem was, but he would just laugh harshly as though my question was a joke and walk away.

He had once had a close friendship with Jasper, but even that had seemed to erode with time after that summer. Jake had played on the football team with Edward and Jasper, but his friendship with Jasper had already deteriorated by then and he had never really been friends with the older Cullen brothers. I couldn't help but be concerned for him when he had changed so much towards all of us. In the end, my concern waned with his apparent increase in disdain for me.

I remember the last time he had showed any kindness towards me and as I replay that time so long ago in my mind, it makes me even more sad at his eventual hatred towards me. Even the memories of how he treated me back in high school did not prepare me for the man I just saw on the side of the road. You would think as the years pass and people grow older and mature he would have let go of whatever had been bothering him.

_Apparently, he was absent the day that lesson was taught._

I once again checked my surroundings in my rear view mirrors looking for any sign that he may have followed me. Satisfied that my paranoia was just that and not actual reality, I drove the rest of the way home in an uneasy and contemplative silence. As soon as my house came into view, I felt a small sense relief and comfort. I pulled into my driveway and nervously looked around, no one was around so I bolted to the front door with keys in hand and once I had crossed the threshold and was inside, I slammed the door closed and locked it.

_What am I a scared little five year old that darts across the bedroom and under the covers after turning the light off, because I think there are monsters under the bed?_

I stood against the wall in the foyer and slowly slid down against the wall until I was sitting up with my arms wrapped around my knees and my legs pulled up against my chest. I never imagined I could feel so alone being here back in Forks. Except for Jacob's weird and creepy behavior, growing up with so many people around me it had always felt like I was encased in a protective bubble, kept safe from harm. Now, because of choices I had made, I have effectively cut myself out of the lives of the people who had cared about me, and now I am on my own deservedly. I let out a sob and the tears quickly made their way down my cheeks.

_Oh, Dad I miss you more than you will ever know._

I looked up through my tear filled hazy eyes to check the time on the grandfather clock in the foyer, the time reminding me that Edward wouldn't be here for a while giving me plenty of time to feel sorry for myself. Or so I thought. My self- induced pathetic sob fest was interrupted by a loud pounding noise at the front door nearly giving me a heart attack. Someone was pounding on the heavy wooden door relentlessly while ringing the doorbell simultaneously.

_Oh my God, has he come to my house?! Where's my phone? Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Calm steady breaths, Bella. Shit, shit,shit!_

I crawled down on my hands and knees quietly away from the front door towards the living room, not wanting the person on the other side of the door to sense any movement in the house.

_There is no fucking way I am looking out the peephole!_

I quickly crawled along the front of the sofa to peek out the window, praying I would be able to see who was out there without them seeing me. When I saw a small girl on the other side of the door I almost shouted my feelings of relief before indignation and curiosity set in. She wasn't yelling or screaming about an emergency or accident, so what the fuck?

_Seriously, who pounds the hell out someone's door and rings the doorbell at the same time? _

When I opened the door I was surprised to see that it wasn't a young girl at all, instead it was a young woman probably around my age. She was tiny, shorter my 5'3. It's not often I have to actually look down when speaking to someone so this was different. She had long ebony hair parted in the middle and each side was pulled up taut into a pig tail. Her hair was such a stark contrast of dark in comparison to her huge and very light blue eyes. She looked like some kind of anime cartoon character. She was kind of…. breathtaking and my first thought was to take her picture.

_Hello?! Why in the hell would I want to take this crazy chick's picture? _

"Bella, it's so good to finally meet you!" She squealed loudly, possibly rupturing my eardrums in the process as she pushed her way past me into my home.

I turned around and glared at her back. I was shocked at the audacity of this woman... this stranger to just waltz her way into my home.

"Who the fuck are you?" I angrily cried out, while doing my best to maintain composure with my face all blotchy from my previous pathetic attempt at a pity party. I have never had to resort to violence in the past, but I had a sinking feeling that was about to change.

"Oh, how rude of me not to have introduced myself," she said as she rolled her eyes and tilted her head to the side, "I'm Alice, Alice Brandon." She huffed in what seemed to be... annoyance? at my silent stare. She held her hand out as if she wanted me to shake it, but when I extended my hand out to her she pulled her hand back.

_What the hell is this chick's problem? Talk about attitude._

"Oh, well thank you so much for clearing that up for me, _Alice Brandon!_" I replied sarcastically. "I apologize for my rude manners. Please forgive me! I have not even offered you anything to drink yet." I continued with the tone of my voice clearly dripping with sarcasm. "Why don't you go ahead and make yourself comfortable in my home seeing as you have already invited yourself in." I said as I crossed my arms in front of my chest and lifted both eyebrows in exasperation. She just stood there and stared at me with a little smile on her face, clearly she was enjoying my apparent confusion and discomfort.

_Bitch!_

"I cannot even begin to tell you how relieved I am to finally meet you in person." She replied as she puts her right hand on her right hip and looks me over. "Seriously after hearing Edward go on and on about his 'best friend,' the mysteriously missing Bella," she used the middle and index fingers from both hands to make quotation marks when she says best friend, " it's nice to finally see the face of the name that's been shoved down my throat the last few years." She walked towards me and placed her hand on my shoulder turning me around as though I'm modeling an outfit she needs to approve of.

_What is she saying? How in the hell does she know Edward? OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD! Is she Edward's girlfriend? _

"I have to admit, Bella, I was worried you would be really tragic in person." She says softly as she taps her finger on her chin and purses her lips as though in deep thought. "I have been known to be wrong on occasion, but thank fucking God this is one of those times. You're not that bad... I guess."

_What the fuck is that supposed to mean? One minute she seems nice and the next minute she is saying shit that could only be interpreted as fucking rude. What the hell, this bitch is giving me a fucking migraine!_

"Okaaaaay, well thank you so much for clearing that up for me." Scratching my right eyebrow with the middle finger of my right hand and taking a few steps away from her, still contemplating whether I should go into a fists-up boxer stance to K.O. the barbaric imp . "So far you've been kind enough to tell me your name, inform me you know Edward, and last, but not least insult me. Forgive me if I ignore your inconsiderate statements regarding my person - opinions I don't need or want from a STRANGER, although I'm sure you don't really care about that so much, huh?" I scowled. "Now, _Alice_, even with the small scraps of information I've been able to glean from what you've said so far, you still have not managed to clue me in as to whom the fuck you are in relation to me and what the fuck you are doing here in my house!"

_Holy Shit, I'm really ready to mess her up! I want to grab those fucking pig tails and use them as a lasso before I smash her fucking head into the wall!_

"Bella, Bella, Bella," she giggled lightheartedly, not at all frightened by me or my temper, "I see you have spunk. I like it! First off, let me ease your worries a tad by telling you what's brought me here today." Alice breezes past me as she makes her way over to the couch. She takes a seat, looks back me expectantly and pats her hand down on the space next to her to sit and like I'm fucking Fido. Not only am I tragic, but she thinks I'm a dog too. Childishly, I give her the evil eye and take a seat in the arm chair opposite of the couch.

"I'm going to have to make this quick so I'm outta here before Edward shows up."

_How the hell did she even know Edward was coming over? Is she his girlfriend? Is she trying to scare me off. _

_Shut the fuck up and listen, Bella!_

"So while you were at Triple F talking to Edward, Emmett called me and told me what was going on. Since E's still working on his back piece right now we have some time - not much though, because I know E's going to be anxious to talk to you. Anyway, Em asked me to talk to you before E comes over." She said while she was drilling holes in my head with her eyes.

_Triple F?_

"Sorry, what? I'm confused as to why Emmett, a guy I just met today, would ask you to come over and talk to me about Edward?"

"Bella, can I ask you something personal?"

_Oh, so now she cares about manners._

"Depends. What do you want to know?"

"What are your feelings for Edward? I mean, real feelings. Do you love him as a friend or more? Hell, do you even like Edward, because he sure hasn't seen hair nor hide from you for years and not because he hasn't wanted or tried to."

I could feel all the blood rush to my head as I'm thrown off guard. This was not a question I was expecting, especially from a woman I wasn't sure was romantically or sexually involved with Edward.

"Before I answer that question I want to know your relationship with Edward. Why do you feel you have the right to ask me what my feelings for Edward are? I don't even know you. Why would Emmett tell you to talk to me?" I asked nervously. I knew without a doubt I wouldn't be able to handle myself if Alice confirmed my dark suspicions.

_Please say you are not his girlfriend. Please, please say it isn't so!_

"I swear I can see the wheels turning in your head from here," she chuckled softly. "Don't worry, I'll answer all of your questions and I can pretty much promise that by the time we're done with our little discussion," she pointed at me and then herself, "you'll have _more_ questions to ask." She leaned forward, her bent elbows planted themselves on her knees as she placed her chin on her folded hands. She looked straight into my eyes with a serious expression, but it was one that seemed to be laced with concern too. My anxiety began to subside a little when it seems like she doesn't want to harm me as much as I did her. I hope.

"I've been working for Edward and Emmett for the last couple of years at Triple F. We're like family and there is _nothing _in this world I wouldn't do for them. I would give up my own life in a heartbeat for the both of them if I needed to." She casually leaned back into the couch and crossed her legs. "We are the closest of friends as well as co-workers. And to answer the question that's been pinballing through your head, no, I'm not Edward's wife, girlfriend, fuck buddy, or ectetera, ectetera, never have been and never will be."

_Thank you, God, for not turning me into a psycho killer of this small girl/woman._

"Listen, I'm not one for flowery words and all that shit, so I'm just going to lay it all out for you. From what I have heard about you from the Cullens and what I've been able to deduce from all the pitiful waxing poetic from E, you are the girl that got away." She smirked and with twinkling eyes staring straight into mine, I suddenly became dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out. What is she saying? Is she implying that Edward had _feelings_ for me, like not just friends feelings? Fuuuck, even if that was true before, the anger he had projected towards me earlier today had not left any room for hope that he still felt that way.

_Did it?_

"What do you mean that I'm the girl who got away?" I asked needing some clarification and maybe some hope.

Alice shrugged her shoulders and sighed at what I'm sure she perceives as my obliviousness. "What I mean is that Edward is in love with you, always has been and probably always will be. I know the basics of what happened between the two of you that caused all of this drama. The truth at its' core is that you and Edward have been kept apart for the last four years due to a misunderstanding blown out of proportion by a lack of honesty and communication." She leaned forward once again. "Bella, I know you have no reason to believe me and I understand that. I really do... but you need to wake the fuck up if you_ do_ have fuck-me feelings for Edward. I'm here to tell you now that if you don't take drastic measures right away to insure that Edward at least realizes you love him, you _will _lose him."

She paused to stretch, but I could tell she was thinking too. "Listen, Edward has himself convinced that you're too good for him. He thinks you're too sweet, too pure, and would never accept him as he really is, especially now that he knows why you left."

"That's not fair, Alice, I had no clue what he was doing or why. I mean, he was fucking whipping my mom's friend in my backyard and enjoying it. It was a horror porn movie I never wanted a glimpse of. Nobody even told me about BDSM or that half the fucking people I was closest to were even involved in it." I jumped in defensively, sitting straight up with my hands palm up in the air in front of me.

"That, little miss innocent Bella, is why I'm here," she admitted. "I'm only asking that you step into his world before making any further judgments. I know that you know some of what Edward is about, but trust me, you don't know everything. You father trained him well and there were many people from around the world who begged for a session with him. Edward excelled under your father's tutelage, and now he's known to break the unbreakable just like your father."

_Break the unbreakable? What the hell does that mean?_

"Ah, Alice, I have no clue what language you're even speaking."

"Well, you are aware of the lifestyle your father and Renee led, right?" She asked nonchalantly as though she's asking about Charlie and Renee participating in the P.T.A. "To put it to you straight, Edward is very skilled with a whip and he's one of the very few who have been able to get a sub to safe word when no one else has been able to. Edward is a Dom and he plays in the club your father and Carlisle opened together called Chained."

"Hold up, hold up! What does that mean he gets a sub to 'safe word' when no one else can? Is this some kind of side business? Are you saying that Edward is a Dom in a professional sense? As in, he has clients that go to him so that he can whip them? Holy SHIT, IS THAT EVEN LEGAL?" I stood up and began to pace the room. "I don't even know what to say about that!" I cried out as my arms flailed about me. "So what, are you saying if I want to be in a relationship with Edward I would need to develop a sudden desire to be whipped and what...? watch him whip other women too?"

"Calm down! That is not what I am saying so calm down. What I am saying is we need to bring you into his world where he could see firsthand that you are NOT disgusted by what you see. To do that you will need my help. Next week is Rush Week for Chained; it's the only time of the year the exclusive part of the club accepts new members. My plan is to take you there and let him see that you can handle it."

"I don't know if that is such a good idea, Alice. What if I can't handle it? I don't want to force myself into his life if he doesn't want me the way I am."

"Bella, I know you just met me, but I'm asking you to trust me. I don't know you, but my gut tells me you love him as much as he loves you. Now, I love Edward and want to see him happy, so if by showing you how he really lives is what I can do to help him get you, I'm going to do it. If you love him like I think you do, then you will at least check out the club and see him in his element and decide from there." Alice checks her phone when it beeps then gets up and starts walking towards the front door, calling out over her shoulder, " l'll call you so we can get together to pick out an outfit for you."

"That's completely unnecessary, Alice, I'm perfectly capable of dressing myself."

"Not for this you're not." She pauses mid-stride and turns around to smile at me mischievously.

_Oh, great what the hell am I getting myself into!_

"And, Bella, I just wanted to say I am truly sorry for your loss. Charlie was an amazing man and I had nothing, but love for him. He will really be missed by all of us."

"Thank you, Alice." I reply somberly.

"One thing I will never forget about that man was that amazing mustache of his." She says dreamily. "He had the most bad ass 70's stash I have ever seen! It was perfect and just the right length to…."

"La, la, la, la, la, la," I chanted loudly while holding the palms of my hands over my ears in an attempt to block out any further disturbing things she was going on about. Finally her lips stopped moving so I was safe from having to disinfect my brain with bleach today. I pulled my hands off of my ears and glared at her.

"What?" She asks innocently. "I was just saying it was intense with that stash even with the Saran Wrap from what I've heard!"

_Saran Wrap? What the fuck? Never mind I don't even want to know!_

"Well, Bella, it has been a pleasure. Emmett just sent me a text saying that Edward left the shop so I gotta jet. Oh, and don't tell him about my little visit or the club. Give me your phone." I handed it over to her and she dialed what I assumed was her phone number, because her phone started ringing.

"OK, now you can call me if you have any questions and I can call you so we can get you prepped for Rush next week." She flipped around almost giving my cheeks wind burn with her fucking pig tails lashing out and around. I walked towards the front door she left open behind her and saw her pulling out of my driveway in... _what?_ What the fuck!

_Is that a pink Hummer?!_

I closed the door and dropped my tired body back onto the couch in the living room and started to laugh. Seriously, that chick is a riot and more than a handful I'm sure. Feeling my body relax I decided to sneak in a little nap to recharge before Edward arrived. Unfortunately, as soon as I closed my eyes I heard his car pull into the driveway.

_Oh, shit._


	10. Chapter 9

**AN: I have a wonderful friend who has offered to beta my story so a big thank you to her for making this story better. Readtoomuch, you rock! If you are coming along for the ride then thank you for your time. Any errors are completely mine. Twilight is not mine, no copyright infringement intended.**

**So, how many of you figured out what the deal was with the Saran Wrap reference in the previous chapter? No worries if you did not know what to make of it - an explanation will follow later in this story. Use your imagination and I am sure you will figure it out. LoL!**

**For those of you who continue to follow this story, I would like to thank you for continuing to do so. Here we go again….**

**Chapter 9**

**EPOV**

"Ok, bitch, I'm done for today." I reached over to grab the Saran Wrap and paper tape to cover Emmett's back.

_Saran Wrap, shit makes me laugh every fucking time._

"Only keep it covered for 24 hours, because I want to get started on the shading as soon as possible, okay?" I pulled two long strips of wrap and gently applied it to his back keeping it in place with paper medical tape. "Get Ali or one of the subs at the club to apply Lubriderm on it a couple times a day and you fucking better not get it wet in the shower." I leaned back in my chair and looked at Emmett's still form.

_It's a fucking miracle. For once, Emmett is at a loss for words._

Just as that thought crossed my mind, Emmett let out a loud snore. "Un-fucking-believable." I murmured to myself as I lifted my arm up high behind my head and then swung it down with as much force as I could muster and I slapped his ass. Hard.

"Sheeeee-iit! What the fuck, man?! That shit fucking hurt! I bet it will leave a fucking bruise. Not cool, man! What are the ladies going to think if I have a hand-sized bruise on my ass!" He yelled as he jumped off the table after his rude awakening. He winced as he gingerly rubbed his abused right ass cheek.

"That's what you get for falling asleep while I'm working my ass off on your art, fucker." I just laughed at Emmett's usual dramatics. "Keep the wrap on and don't get it wet, you know the drill." I stood up from my chair and stretched out my stiff limbs. I started the usual process of sterilizing my equipment and wiping down the table before pulling off my gloves and slinging them into the trash can.

Still rubbing his ass and pouting, Emmett was at the mirror checking out the outline I had just completed. I swear I could hear him mumbling about having the ladies put lotion on his ass as well as his back.

"Yo, E, you wanna go hit up Off the Hook and have a beer?" He flashed a sly grin at me. Off the Hook is a small hole in the wall joint that serves the most amazing garlic burgers, but I know the burgers aren't his primary reason for wanting to go there. A certain spitfire bartender named Rose was his real reason for his Off the Hook obsession. Emmett has been trying to hit that "Rosie" ass for two fucking years and she wouldn't even give him the time of day, to his chagrin. Her shocking denial had been a first for Emmett and what Rose doesn't realize is every time she denies him, she is only ensuring his continual pursuit of her.

"I know the real reason you want to go to that joint and I gotta' tell you, Em, I don't think I can support your stalker behavior any more. My days of enabling that creepy shit are officially over, my friend." He just stared at me blankly with a fake as fuck hurt look in his eyes.

_Now for the fun part. Time to get him riled up!_

"Have you stopped to think that the reason she hasn't fallen for your shit is because she bats for her own team?" I stared at him in amusement as his face turned bright red and his mouth opened and closed in a goldfish impression. My chest shook slightly from holding back my laughter while I waited for the Emmett show to being in 3, 2, 1... and ladies and gentleman, we now have lift off!

"What the fuck are you going on about, Cullen?! Are you trying to tell me that my Rosie likes _pussy_ and not cock!" He yelled out and fell back against the mirror with his hands in his hair. Leaning his head back to stare up at the ceiling and lowering his hands to side, his face suddenly took on a dreamy look as his lips curved up. "Damn, you know what, I don't even give a shit as long as she lets me watch and it leads to some active participation from yours truly." He opened his eyes and gave me a big teeth bearing grin along with a playful wink.

I just laughed and shook my head at his usual craziness. Oh, and I definitely caught his "my Rosie" slip. Fucker is toast and he doesn't even know it. This should be fun to watch unfold, because I know "his Rosie" is one tough chick and watching Emmett be brought down by a woman like that is going to go down in Triple F history.

"You're on your own, Em. I have to head home to shower and change, before I go to Bella's."

Pushing himself off the wall and standing up straight with his hands on his hips, he turned serious eyes on me. "Please tell me you're not going to go over there and bullshit her with your pansy 'I am not the person for you, you deserve better' crap!" He shook his head and glared at me. "Fuck, man, I know you _love _ her. Even a thickheaded motherfucker like me figured it out 2 seconds after you started talking about her years ago. Let me tell what else I noticed, the way she looked at you out in the damn parking lot... as though you hung the moon and stars every night just for her. So fucking cliche, but true. Don't fuck this up again, man!"

"Shut the fuck up! Emmett, you don't know shit about dick when it comes to me and Bella." I shouted back at him, raking my right hand through my hair.

"Bullshit! I'm calling your ass out on this one, E. We've been friends for years and not once in all of those years have you had a committed relationship and I know why. You have been stowing away the idea of you and B in your back pocket all this time. You need to man the fuck up, E! From what I could tell of Bella, she seems pretty fragile right now and if you fuck this up, you can take even the fantasy of you and her together and just toss it in the trash, man." He stalked towards me with purpose in every step.

"You know I usually value your opinions, Em, but in this situation, you would do best to keep them to yourself. I _know_ Bella. I've known Bella and her parents her whole life and now I know how she reacted when she saw me... the real _me_. Her reaction cost me four years of friendship that I sure as _hell _am not risking now that I have her back in my life." I walked away to check on the security system before locking up and heading out.

"You know what, E, you can be incredibly obtuse at times. And right now, you are being one obtuse, stupid motherfucker. Just because Bella had a knee-jerk reaction back then, when she had absolutely NO idea what was going on, doesn't mean she wouldn't support you and your lifestyle." He shook his head as he walked towards me and placed his right hand on my shoulder. "You can't penalize yourself and Bella for a reaction she had at the age of eighteen with no background information or warning of what she saw, it's not fair to either of you, and you know it, man."

"How the fuck is doing what I have to do to keep her friendship being unfair to her?" I shook his hand off and walked away angrily, upset that Emmett was using my feelings for Bella to guilt me into starting something _more_ with her, which would undoubtedly destroy the possibility of keeping her in my life.

_As much as I want her, love her, and would love nothing more than to wake up to her beautiful face every morning for the rest of my life, I just can't. She deserves so much more than I can give her._

"Ok, let me ask you this, E, what are you planning on doing when Bella gets sick of waiting and she finds someone else to spend the rest of her life with? Huh? What are you going to do when it's too late? Because that will eventually happen, my friend, whether you want it to or not. What? You gonna pretend to be happy for her and play fucking godfather to her kids? The kids that should have been yours?" Emmett responded with a frustration-filled tirade. "Shit, man, you're the best man I know, and I want you to be happy and, bro, Bella is where you'll find your happiness," lifting his hands up as though he's giving a fucking benediction at church, "just listen to the great and wonderful Emmett."

"What the fuck, Em, when did you suddenly become some kind of fucking life coach trying to motivate me and all that shit?" I asked in disbelief. "You need to stop watching that Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew shit."

Yeah, Emmett was my best friend, but he knows jack shit of my situation with Bella and he needs to start keeping his lame ass opinions to himself. I know what's best when it comes to Bella. What? He meets her for 2 minutes and he thinks he knows her well enough and now has the right to tell me what was best for her.

I grabbed my shit and started towards the back door. "You can lock up, I'm taking off." I growled over my shoulder. "I'll hit you up tomorrow." I punched my way out the door without waiting for his reply. In all the years that Emmett and I have known each other, we've never had a disagreement like this and I have a feeling that today was just a preview of things to come between us on this particular subject.

"Fuck!" I snarled as the sky suddenly opened up above me and started to pour down in sheets of rain, drenching me completely before I even made it across the parking lot to my car. Sprinting to the car, I jerked the car door open and threw myself into the seat before slamming the door shut. I stared at the water running down my windshield and took a few deep breaths to calm down before I started the car and drove out of the parking lot.

Minutes later the rain had stopped and I arrived at my large and spacious loft, which was a converted and updated warehouse. This was home and with Esme's guidance, I was able to make this space into my own sanctuary. I kept the original rafters in the exposed ceiling untouched, keeping in line with the uniqueness of the space and originality of its warehouse roots. Darkly stained hard wood floors were installed though out with the occasional rug in the living areas. The actual loft area where my bed was located was fully carpeted with plush shaggy carpet that Esme had insisted on. Thank God for my mom, because I hated putting my bare feet on a cold floor when I got out of my nice warm bed. My place was a bachelor pad, but with a woman's touch.

_Shit, next thing I know, I'll be subscribing to Restoration Hardware or Pottery Barn or some shit. I think I need to keep Esme out before she designs a nursery or a fucking arts and crafts studio. Christ!_

I pulled my fingers through the wet usual mess that is my hair as I made my way to the bathroom to take a much needed shower. I turned on the fuck awesome shower that had heads embedded into the tiled walls in front, back and above me spraying from all directions and started taking of my wet clothes and tossed them into the hamper. Once the water temp was to my satisfaction, I stepped inside and closed the already fogged up glass door. I could feel the tension in my whole body, as if it was tangible and could be touched, wash off my body as it joined the soothing hot water swirling its way down the drain.

_How did we get here, Bella?_

I leaned my forehead against the moist, but cool tiled wall, as thousands of thoughts and possibilities moshed through my brain. What Emmett had said to me earlier was fucking me up and making me second guess what I thought was the right thing to do. That pissed me off. As someone who had never been doubtful or uncertain about what to do or think, I'm pissed Em's making me think twice about what I need to do. No, I need to maintain my perspective when it comes to Bella. I have no other choice, but to distance myself from her if I can't get a handle of this overwhelming need to claim her as mine. I can do that and we can just be friends like we've always been.

Decision finalized, I finished washing up and I turned the knob to cut the water off. I grabbed a towel from the towel warmer and dried myself off before throwing on a pair of black sweat pants and my old gray and green Dartmouth Lacrosse Team T-shirt. Slipping my socked feet into a pair of Vans, I locked the door behind me and headed down to the garage. I jumped into my ride to head over to Bella's. My determination to hang onto my oath to Charlie by staying only friends with his daughter is the only thought that crosses my mind as I drove to her house.

I turned into Bella's driveway and turned the car off. I silently willed myself to be strong and not let the vision of Bella affect me the way it usually does. Fuck, she's so fucking beautiful to me, it hurts me to look at her sometimes. Long, thick, mahogany hair just begging me to wrap my fingers in it as I use it to guide my cock in and out of her sweet warm mouth, while she looks up at me with her big brown doe eyes that are always so full of some mysterious emotion I can't get an exact read on.

_Fuck, this is not helping! The last thing I need is to approach Bella sporting a clearly visible hard on_!

I tried will my painful erection down by thinking of anything but Bella. Shit, maybe I shouldn't have gone commando today.

I stepped out of my car and walked towards the front door to give a quick knock to let Bella know I was here before twisting the doorknob to open the door.

_What the hell? She knew I was coming, so why the fuck is the door locked?_

Our families were close enough that we normally don't even knock, we just usually walk right in. I guess maybe Bella was a little nervous being here alone, so she locked it. Makes sense. I pushed the glowing button off to the right side of the door to ring the bell and waited. Bella answered the door wordlessly and stood to the side to let me in. As I walked past her, I couldn't help but quietly breathe her in. Jasmine and lavender assaulted my senses just as it always had - she always smelled so fucking good!

Bella closed the door behind me and still not saying a word, led the way into the living room and took a seat on the edge of the same sofa I had slept on the night before. I purposefully sat down next to her with my body positioned sideways so I could look at her when we spoke. Bella did not mirror my position as she continued to sit straight forward with her eyes seemingly focused on a picture hanging on the wall across the room.

"Bella, look at me." I reached over and nudged her chin to point her face in my direction. When her face turned towards me, I could see she had been recently crying and it slayed me to the bone to think that maybe those tears were because of me.

"What's wrong, B, why have you been crying?" I whispered gently to her.

Her shoulders slumped a little. "I'm crying, because no matter what I say or do, you will never accept the fact that I want you. That I've always wanted you. Nothing happened between us before, because of YOU. You can deny it all you want, but you _knew_ how I felt about you." Shaking her head and turning her face away from me, "You're just going to keep trying to convince me that we're just best friends, when you're just a coward! You're going to keep me in your 'friend' category with your ridiculous excuses that you're not good enough for me, or something equally stupid like I deserve more than you could give me. And I just can't take it anymore." She leaned forward and hid her face in her hands as tears slowly trickled down her face.

"That, Edward, is why I was crying and that is why I'm hurting. Because I'm pretty sure you feel the same way about me, but you're not going to do anything about it." She pulled her face out of her hands and looked me straight in the eyes causing me to pull back a little with the hard glint I saw in her eyes. "Tell me the truth, Edward. Now. If you can look me in the eyes, right now and tell me you don't feel the same for me as I do for you, I'll accept it and move on knowing that friendship is all there is between us. I can't stay in this fucked-up limbo anymore. Either we're friends or something else."

_Oh, fuck, how in the hell am I supposed to keep my promise when she just poured her heart out saying almost everything I wanted to hear come from those beautiful lips? I can't tell her that I want her more than I want my next breath, and just the thought of her loving another man makes me want to crush my own nuts. I can't tell her that I would love for her to be mine or that I wanted to be the only man to ever touch her. _

"I am so sorry, Bella," I lied, dreading the words the next words I had to say. "I never meant to do anything that might lead you on." She looked at me in shocked disbelief as I said the words she clearly wasn't expecting to hear. I could see the pain register in her widened eyes as she processed my response and I knew then that things would never be the same between us, no matter what either of us said. Any notion I had previously had that I could protect our friendship flew farther out the window with every heartbreaking word that came out of my mouth. "I love you, you know that, but there can never be the kind of love between us that you want."

_And now I had to say the one thing that I knew would cause her to second guess my true feelings for her._

I lowered my eyes to her chin and lied some more. "Bella, you... you're like a sister to me." _Liar!_ "You know that I would do anything for you, but I don't love you like that. I'm sorry, B, I just don't feel that way about you." I heard her sharp gasp for breath and as much as I wanted to pull her into my arms and take back what I had just said to her, I didn't. I couldn't.

I watched as Bella stood up and did her best to maintain her composure. But I could see her throat working as she swallowed repeatedly as her nose flared and her lips squeezed together. I had to look away, because I knew she was feeling rejected and humiliated and it was my fucking fault.

"Ok, Edward," she whispered softly before she cleared her throat. "I was wrong... _so wrong_ to assume you felt more for me than you do. I just thought... I, Oh, God... I am so sorry I just made things even more uncomfortable between us."

"I am sorry, Bella, so fucking sorry." I reached out to her, clenching my jaw when she flinched away me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Edward. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about what I saw and just left like I did. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend and stayed away for 4 years. I'm _sorry_ I just poured out my guts to you thinking you felt the same. God, I'm sorry!" She shook her head as she made her way to the front door and laid a trembling hand on her forehead. "You can't force yourself to have feelings for someone just because they would like you too. I know that. I was obviously wrong and confused. I'm glad we were able to clear that up, because it's obviously been my delusions that have caused most of this awkwardness between us," she said as she opened the door and stood aside while baring her teeth at me that I think was supposed to be a fake smile. "Okay, now that we have that cleared up, would you mind heading out? It's getting late and I am extremely embarrassed and really exhausted so I'm going to call it a night."

I knew I needed to do as she asked. I wanted to reassure her, but what could I say? What _else_was there for me to say? I stepped out the front door and turned around to apologize again, just wanting to say something, anything to remove that crushed look from her face, but it was too late. Bella had silently closed the door and locked it before I could even say goodbye.


End file.
